12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres aired on British TV and radio:1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god!! What have I just said??'6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.'10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself'.
Here are some classic examples from good old British broadcasting: 1. Michael Buerk, as he watched Phillippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage:"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."2. Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on 'This Morning': "She was practising fastest finger first on her own in bed last night."3. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said:"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."4. Carenza Lewis, about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time TeamLive', said:"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."5. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and hadn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" (The weatherman and half the crew were so helpless with laughter they had to leave the set.)6. Our best source, as ever, is the sports programme... Bobby Simpson, commenting on cricketer Neil Fairbrother's shot: "With his lovely soft hands, he just tossed it off."7. Mike Hallett, discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."8. Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing:"Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wishes he had a hard on now."9. 'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead:"Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."10. Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."11. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie FannySunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open (an old favourite):"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."12. James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:"What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"13. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."14. Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big racewhen he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."15. US PGA Commentator:"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .....Oh my god, what have I just said?!"16. Metro Radio:"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."17. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 (the most famous of all?):"Ah, isn't that nice? The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."18. New Zealand Rugby Commentator:"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."19. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator:"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
My own faverout was cricket commentator Brian Johnston's "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" which occurred when Michael Holding of the West Indies was bowling to Peter Willey of England in a Test match at the Oval in 1976. The same guy was also responsible for "There's Neil Harvey standing at leg slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle"
Johners was a legend on TMS Centurion
I was listening "live" to TMS when he cracked up, after his "leg over" remark when Botham clattered his own wicket
Johners was second only (as a commentator) to the legendary John Arlott
But he was in a league of his own when it came to "howlers"
CMJ, Aggers and Blowers are poor substitutes for the old favourites
groucho: So, you got any kids? female contestant : Yes, Groucho, I have eleven children. groucho : Eleven?! Did you say eleven kids? female contestant : Well, I love my husband. groucho : Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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