My son introduced me to his new girlfriend about 20 months ago and I took an instant dislike to her! I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew he was too good for her! I didn't say anything to him because 'what do I know!'. And, over time, I convinced myself that if she made him happy then that was all that mattered.
My son went off to university and I thought it would fizzle out and he would continue his studies without said girlfriend. But no, she followed him, and they ended up sharing a bedsit after his first year.
She signed on for benefits but, between his studies, he started working for ASDA to get a bit of extra cash for them both.
Fast forward to last week, and she's now left with the £600 he earned over the summer while she sat on her arse!
So, my question is.... Do you? / Should you? always trust your first instincts about someone? Or have you changed your mind about someone after getting to know them?
ah thats awful Lisa i hoipe your son is ok
i find that my first instincts have never been wrong!! i mean it may be that you can kinda get on with someone knowing the stuff your instincts told you but i have never found my instincts to be incorrect.... its the one thing us humans forget to trust is our ability to know something; whether its gut feeling or whatever you call it, sixth sense whatever..... its always correctomundo in my experience
If you're always right then yes. If, like me, you get it wrong as much as you get it right then ... you're stuffed really. You could try shutting everyone out - that way you could never be proved wrong.
And as your son has to make his own mistakes in this world I'm not entirely sure what the benefit of you being right or wrong would have been - other than to firm up that hindsight is a wonderful thing. .
always always always trust your first instinct! they are always 99.9% correct!
having said that even given hindsight should you have voiced it.......no prob not coz he wasnt ready to listen! - you just have to do the parent thing and be there to pick up the bits!
I agree Suzi, I think first instincts are generally right! My son is being fairly philosophical about it (after getting over the initial shock of what she did).
@Strangely Sane. You're right, I don't think it matters what I thought of her, we all have to go through this one way or another. It's just hard as a mum watching your child work his guts out only for someone to take it all away!
Also if you told him how you felt about her you might have pushed him away.... You've done the best thing, we all.. Sometimes learn from our mistakes... Just be there for him when it does go wrong but don't use the "I told you so"
I didn't actually dislike my daughter's boyfriend when she started getting serious about him 4 years ago, he seemed a nice enough lad but but my instincts were screaming no, no, no....I guess my inner snob kicked in. I didn't think he was good enough and I was really fearful she'd steer a path to a life that was so different to the one I hoped for her.
Roll on 3 years and I happily admit I was wrong and on this occasion my instincts were flawed. They both moved back in with me and he now lives here and has done for 2 years. I think he is really ace. He's a real grafter, has a good heart and is very thoughtful....he's been a brilliant steady rock for her when she's been going through some pretty tough stuff....a real stabilizing influence
He puts up with me scrounging rollups, brews up for me, reaches high-up things out of cupboards, is building me a bike shelter and today came out to bump start my bike when it wouldn't start at the garage
I take it all back.
I'm a great believer in the power of listening to your inner voice, but sometimes your inner voice doesn't always grasp the whole picture
his family, ahem....well, my instincts weren't entirely wrong
Maybe your son needs this experience Lisa to recognise his true gem when he meets her. But it's agony watching them being hurt
Oh dear , another man left penniless and broken by the 'L' word . Bloody women , can't live with them , ain't allowed to shoot them . Lol . poor lad , laying himself open to ''ALL THE ILL'S OF THE WORLD'' coz he couldn't resist getting into Pandora's 'box' . Dusty x
Difficult question, for me, to answer. In some cases I've been totally right to trust my first instinct, and in others, totally wrong.
RIGHT:
When I got the first clue that my hubby (now ex of course) was having an affair. I refused to believe it was what it was, made excuses, accused myself of being paranoid.
WRONG:
When I first met a female friend I thought she was a snob and that she thought she was too good for the likes of me. After I got to know her it was obvious she just had a posh accent and wasn't the snob I ASSUMED she was. (Looks like it was ME that was the snob)
Lisa I take my hat off to you in not voicing your first instinct of your son's girlfriend, as I know how difficult that is to do.
Naturally, as mothers we want to protect our offspring but we know that we have to let them go through it, we can't live their lives for them. After all did WE take any notice of OUR parents?
OMG when did we turn into our Mothers?
Difficult decisesions in life don't always sit well with people.Personal experience is a very personal thing and as we get older experiences play a major part in our views and outlook on life.
We learn from experience, and this becomes part on our judgement on ourselves and others.......
Sometimes we get it right by listening to the voices in our head....
Sometimes we turn a blind eye to them, and fool ourselve/give the others the benefit of our doubt to make the situation better and it dose'nt work out.
Personally, I think its better to make your own decisions then you can own up to your own mistakes, than taking someones advice and it all going pearshape.
The difference is risk managemant, what have you got to lose that is precisous to you...methinks..
I know its a bit heavy for this time of the morning, but my brain is now becoming focused,..sort off, inaway.
If i had gone with my first instincts in April ... Yes i would probably be in the great relationship i'm in now... but .... i would have missed out on some fantastic rallies a short but very nice relationship and not met and made the great friends that i have...... Plus it took my little deviation to make that certain someone realize how much i meant to him.......
*feylin in love again*
No, I never trust my 1st instincts - I'm always prepared to 'wait n see'
I mean for eg. Take nitro, comes across as a really nice fella, but turns out to be a right tosser
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