Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying:
'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.So he changed the sign to read:
'Fridge for sale, $50.' The next daysomeone stole it!THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE! ------------------------------------- I stopped at Mc Donald’s and ordered some fries. The girl behind the counter said, “Would you like some fries with that?” --------------------------One day I was walking down the beach withsome friends when someone shouted,"Look at that dead bird!"Someone looked up at the sky and said,"Where?"
THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked the Estate Agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime. She shook her head and said:"Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff..."THEY WALK AMONG US!
-------------------------------------------- My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard a girl worker talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.She said,"I drove down in a convertible but didn't think I'd get sunburnedbecause the car was moving."THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE!------------------------------------ My sister has a lifesaving tool in her carthat is designed to cut through a seat beltif she gets trapped.
SHE KEEPS IT IN THE CAR TRUNK !
THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE! -------------------------------------------------I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage claim area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. Then she asked me,"Has your plane arrived yet?"
(I work with professionals like this.)THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE!------------------------------------------------While working at a pizza parlor, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time,then said, "Just cut it into 4 pieces. I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE!
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And last, but not least...
Dumb as a Box of Rocks
TRUE STORY:A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms. Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease."Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "How do you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?""Nothing is easier," the doc replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.""What sort of question?" asked Pelosi."Well, you might ask, "Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''Pelosi thought a moment and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."Sadly, ...THEY WALK AMONG US! AND, THEY VOTE!
Traffic Camera A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a FOURTH TIME with the same result. He did this a FIFTH TIME and now was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace. Two weeks later, he got FIVE tickets in the mail......for driving WITHOUT A SEAT BELT.
YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID !
i cannot deny it,ever since the mayans used a stone axe and spear to bugger up my inter stellar drive unit.....stranded on this peculiar little blue and green planetoid for the last several thousand years...just as well i meddled with fate and showed them how to do motorcycles eventually....live long and prosper...x
lmfao Rags..... i had to read the psychiatrist one again... coz i didnt see the problem with the reporters answer....
and i aint got a clue where the sun rises, AND the funny one is the one about lost luggage hahahahahaha
love it
HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES? These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court,word for word
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. ____________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
In a previous job as a travel advisor on the railway I was once asked "Does the 08:00 Kings Cross to Glasgow Central leave from Kings Cross or Euston"! I reallt felt like saying "Well actually it leaves from Waterloo" .
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