Well as you can imagine wearing wigs gives me an endless supply of embarrassing moments, so I thought I would share one with you and hopefully you will bare all with your worst moment!!
It started with myself going to test drive a car, it was a small private garage and I decided to get out the big guns to try and get a good deal. So tight jeans low top and my longest blondest bimbo wig!!!
It all went well when I got there I toddled into the garage getting all the right reactions.
I jumped in the car and drove off down the road.
About half a mile down the road the car started to splutter and I pulled over just in time for it to die a death!!!
It was pouring down with rain but I knew I had to walk back to the garage.
As I undid the seat belt my wig got caught up and knotted itself around the seatbelt spindle.
B****ocks I had to take the wig off there was no way of unhitching it without cutting it off!!
I had to walk back to the garage, wigless in the rain, with no coat and damn rain is cold and wet!!
As I walked back into the garage you cut hear a pin drop, the men just stood there mouths wide not quite believing what they were seeing, I must of looked a sight!
My wig had to be cut out of the car, I never bought the car or even went near that garage ever again, that was a bad day!!!
In the days of flaired trousers, getting the bottom of my right trouser leg hooked over the carburetter top of a BMW boxer, so I couldn't put my foot down. A slow motion fall followed, and various snotty (but muscular) kids helped my yank the bike back up again. They must have wondered why a stationary bike just toppled over for no obvious reason.
Shouldn't laugh Wills, but you must have fallen with style! Long way to the floor when you are tall, isn't it?
Many many years ago, when I was out on one of my hen nights, a male stripper cave man style asked me to bite his banana, normally I would have had a bit of fun and gone on with the joke, but I am seriously allergic to bananas...me being the polite person I am, kept on making up one polite excuse after another why I couldn't eat this banana, I ended up having to shout out loud infront of a packed bar that I was allergic to bananas....just as everyone went quiet and you could hear a pin drop ..well you can imagine the response!....I have never blushed like it again since!
Heres one but im spoilt for choice
I was working for Lewisham tree department as a tree surgeon and one day we had to remove a large popular overhanging a park into some factory grounds.We sized up the situation and could see the tree was about 50ft tall and arched over like a bow,there was another popular about 80ft next to it.I climbed to the top of the larger tree and absailed down and swung myself out on to the other,as I was fairly new to the job I decided to remove the top third of the tree in one go....I stood on the curve of the "bow" did my undercut then started on the top cut.As I was cutting there were ominous cracking noises as the trees weight started to bend above the cut and as I knew it was just about to go I put down the saw and braced myself.The part I was stood on had now bent down a couple of feet with the tension and then it snapped....Ground control to Major Tom! the recoil catapulted me 15ft into the air and I went into a massive swinging arc hurtling back towards the trunk of the taller tree-this is going to hurt I said to myself but at the last second my rope twisted and I came in feet first.When things get crazy you might as well go with it-so I kicked away from the trunk did another mad swinging arc and landed back where I had started from.The factory employees who had come out to watch all applauded,they thought I had wanted to go for a ride and had done it on purpose!
You'd have thought I'd have learned my lesson about getting clothing hooked round bits of bike, but no.
I was on my way back from Manchester one evening on the motorway, and realised my headlight aim was a bit wrong. No probs, I though, as I knew it wasn't bolted up too tight.
The traffic was light, and I was able to reach down and adjust the aim on the move quite easily. So far so good, but as I pulled my left hand away my watch strap hooked on some part of the fairing bracket.
No way would it release. So here was I, thundering down the M56 in the dusk, riding one-handedly.
Eventually I managed to juggle the engine speed to persuade the bike to come down the box as far as neutral in a series of rather jerky clutchless changes, and I rolled gently to a stop on the hard shoulder. Once halted, it was a fairly easy job to unhook the strap, but it was a heartstopping minute or so. No-one saw me, but sometimes you don't need an audience to feel embarrassed.
Then there was the time on a ferry to the Isle of Skye when I pulled the handbrake on my Citroen Dyane on so hard the ratchet popped out of the top of the tube. Trouble was I was first on, and until I could release the ratchet - a two-person job - no-one else could drive off the ferry. Whoops!
dyane aye i had one of them toured all over france up to scotland towin a trailer,kid in the back!great fun!!go anywhere suspension!i sound proofed the engine compartment mind yu!
The Dyane was a sort of four-wheeled BMW boxer, or maybe a 2CVGT. Like TM, mine want all over Scotland, France and Spain. Hills were a problems though, but bang it into first gear and it would get up anything, slowly.
It struggled, though, to get up Icen Road in Weymouth, where I had an old auntie right at the very top. Much easier coming down!
wind it up an watch it go !many a surprised face as i went by on the motorway[with atail wind!!]!!roof folded back!igave it away in the end as part payment on some building work!!think yu had to be part hippy to own one did have a coupla flowers painted on the side!!!
anyway aproached a group of ladies to ask one to dance tryin to get some eye contact to indicate who would interested![most look away!] a chinese looking girl looked me in the eye with a smile,i then said ''ok i'll have the chinky!!''[nerves make yu saythe most stupid things!]nothing was said an she carried on smiling an danced!!but left me thinkin all night did they hear it!!!???
Ah Wills, TM, Scary and iggy it just shows that we are all human - as long as you can laugh about it in the end..!
I have done the all time cringeworthy classic that all women dread - yep went to the loo and when I came back I didn't realise my skirt was caught in my tights...!!!! I'd had a few glasses of wine and came sauntering down the stairs in the club. My friend (had to be a male friend!) started laughing at me then pointed out what I'd done - I've never left a club so quickly in all my life!
Iggy, you bendy-legged, flexible fella - better than the circus ! Wish I'd had a camcorder to film that!!! Mine is also a fallling story, tho not as dramatic as the flying Igg !
Years ago, I was a student doing Museum and Exhibition design, and for the HND, I had had a struggle to finalise my portfolio for that project and had spent the weekend doing visuals and tech drawings so was exhausted after a weekend of work and no sleep - anyway it was decided to do the final show downstairs in the graphics studio, so there I was walking down the steps, armed with mounted visuals and tech drawings, and a glazed expression .... and Roger one of the tutors was walking up the stairs..... and my foot slipped and I went flying, work everywhere, anyway Rog caught me, by my boobs, oh the shame of it.... blush? I was Scarlet o'Hara for the rest of that day
that happens in tango,a few left side booby's have been inavertantly cupped by yours truly's right hand!!once watched a lady going around wiv her right booby exposed out of her low top!!!!
I can relate to that one Tango - many a time have I found myself paired up with a lady for grappling practise during training - and you can guarantee that at some time during the evening I am going to take hold of a big handful of boob by accident.
(That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!)
About 3 years ago I started seeing a local woman I met through a friend, a divorcee with a little girl of about 9. One Sunday morning, we're alone in her bedroom enjoying a fairly passionate lie-in while her daughter watches telly alone in the living room of her bungalow. Activities ended as they do, and after a while we both got up, I threw a pair of jeans on and my gf wrapped a bathrobe around her and off we went to make breakfast with massive grins plastered across our chops.
As I entered the living room in front of my gf, my heart sank - sitting on the sofa was one of my old maths teachers, a woman I hated and the feeling was mutual, and my gf's daughter was happily sitting on her lap. There I was, semi-naked with my gf looking like I'd dragged her through a hedge and this woman sitting there glowering at me.
Neither of us had heard the knock at the door, but Abi had, and let her in. When asked where her mummy was she'd replied "She's in bed having sex with her new boyfriend".
I honestly didn't have a clue that the woman I was seeing, who was about 8 yrs younger than me, was my old teacher's daughter - the subject had never come up and there were no pictures of her around the house. Needless to say the relationship didn't last too long after that, even though I tried hard to make it.
Secondly:
1978, aged 16 and showing off my lovely gold Yamaha FS1E to all the
gorgeous schoolgirls coming out of Bedford High School. Traffic lights
ahead turned to red and I went to stop, tried to put my feet down and
found my training shoe laces were caught on both the gear lever and
brake pedal. Naturally I fell off right in front of the bunch of 6th
formers I was trying hard to impress.
Fast forward 15 years and me and my then girlfriend are chatting about
our youthful expolits, when she mentions some kn0bhead falling off a
gold Fizzy right in front of her outside the school when his laces got
caught in the levers. Did I tell her I was that kn0bhead? Like hell I
did....I told a mate the story and the sod did it for me when we were
all p1ssed one night, and she's never let me live it down
I think we have all done the dropping of the bike in front of everyone thing.
I've had a couple and although loosing my footing whilst paddling backwards in the Cat & Fiddle car park a few months ago comes close, probably my best was;
18 years of age. Young, silly and not too bright! On holiday in Hunstanton with my parents, I had gone on my first ever big bike. It was a CX500, I had picked it up only a couple of weeks before and I was dead proud.
One day went off for a ride and went back to the caravan park via Hunstanton front. The car park was virtually empty, but I had noticed three very pretty girls sat on a bench in one end of the car park, around 16/17 years of age.
So, trying to appear as cool as possible, I rode through the car park, ignoring all the empty parking bays until I got to the one in front of the bench.
Without once looking at the girls (cos I was cool), I parked up right in front of them, blipped the throttle a couple of times and then killed the engine.
A quick stretch (cos being cool, I had just been riding like a motorcycling god of course) and then holding the throttle side of the bar with my right hand, I took my helmet off with my left, all whilst leaning the bike onto its stand and getting off.
Except I realised about two seconds too late that in my ultra-coolness, I had forgotten to put the stand down .......
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