Two drunks are sat in the park when one of them screws his face & starts retching 'What the fecks that smell?!!!' he shouts 'Have you shat yourself?' The other one replies cooly 'Yes'. 'That's disgusting,why don't you clean yourself up?' say the first one, cool as a cumumber the second one says 'I haven't finnished yet' .
Two friends meet up in the train station as they do every morning. One friend bought the tickets for both of them as they take turns in doing so.
As they sit down for a cuppa before their train arrives, they both notice that the other has a big, black eye .....
The first friend asks "Mate, how did you get the shiner?"
"Slip of the tongue", says the other. "The girl behind the ticket counter had the biggest breasts I've ever seen and without thinking I asked for 'Two TITS for Wolverhampton' instead of two tickets!!"
"Oh no", says his mate, "And so she slapped you?"
"Yeah", says the second friend. Then he too asks, "Go on then, how did you get yours?"
"Well, funnily enough", he says, "mine was because of a slight slip of the tongue as well!
"I got up this morning as normal and met my wife of the last thirty years over the breakfast table; and I had meant to say 'Darling, could you pass me the butter for my toast please', but instead said ............
"You've ruined my entire life you ugly, miserable bitch ........."
pmsl @ Pete... i HATE cider...tis the Devils own Bum Juice!! yeeeeuuuk!!
* it dont help that i usedta get pis*ed on it when bunkin off from school* lol
LOL Kaz - I'm exactly the same as you - can't stand the smell of Cider anymore...thrown up too many times when younger after consuming far too much of the stuff!!!
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