1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
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2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car. (d) When she is using her teeth. <o:p></o:p>
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3. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.<o:p></o:p>
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4. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. <o:p></o:p>
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5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. <o:p></o:p>
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6. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. <o:p></o:p>
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7. In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. <o:p></o:p>
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8. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. <o:p></o:p>
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9. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend. <o:p></o:p>
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10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. <o:p></o:p>
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11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. <o:p></o:p>
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12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. <o:p></o:p>
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13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. <o:p></o:p>
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14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. <o:p></o:p>
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15. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. <o:p></o:p>
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16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. <o:p></o:p>
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17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. <o:p></o:p>
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18. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. <o:p></o:p>
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19. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was. <o:p></o:p>
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20. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. <o:p></o:p>
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21. Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, yellow, orange or sky blue. <o:p></o:p>
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22. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360 or a Playstation- End of story. <o:p></o:p>
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23. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. <o:p></o:p>
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24. Never wear a man bag to work. <o:p></o:p>
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25. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: <o:p></o:p>
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'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?' <o:p></o:p>
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'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'<o:p></o:p>
Not all Man laws but close enough
Universal truths1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.8.) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at thefirst given opportunity.19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!22) Its impossible to look whilst picking up a Frisbee.23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.24) You never ever run out of salt.25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of woodspecifically to stir paint with.33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.34) Bricks are horrible to carry.35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
Ha ha, thats quite amusing, seeing as when i got to 15 i thought 'they dont scare me'...but then i am biased. You can come up here Mick, i'll soon sort yr fear out
Luvin those, fellas
No 10 on yours Mick....well theres a guy at work always makes his cuppa soup in a bowl (and then uses a spoon).....but then again he is a weirdo....
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