A man approaches a women in a bar and whispers in her ear.
"Id love to fill your fanny with guiness and then drink it all.
"The woman runs off to her husband in disgust and tells him whats just happened.
"Arnt you going to beat the shit out of him?" she ask's
"Nah, any man that can drink 25 pints is alright in my book."
It sent that bastard the curse and fanny a like feel you'll backwards message this read to have you realise you time the by.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Paddy says "doctor i have a sore arse"
Doctor bends him over and finds a wad of money up there.
"How much was up there ask's paddy.
The doc replies £1900.
"sounds about right" replies paddy
"I knew i didnt feel too grand"
Cheltenham Races A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses. When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.' 'No, madam,' he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15.'
TC - may I refer u back to yr 1st posting on page 1 .
'not my scene '
Please explain yourself!
(desperately trying to catch TC in the 'Posting Stakes')
A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.' 'What's the moral of that story?' asked the teacher. 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!' 'Very good,' said the teacher. Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, 'Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'.' 'That was a fine story Sarah.' Little Johnny, do you have a story to share?' 'Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon who was a RAF flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 Iraqi soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of ammunition. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.' 'Good heavens, that's some story,' said the horrified teacher, 'what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?' 'Stay the f**k away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking.'
He laid her on the table,
so white and clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat,
he rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and felt her breast,
then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry!
The hole was wide... he looked inside,
....all was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
then stuffed the Christmas turkey!
May I be the first to wish you and all your dirty little minds a Merry Christmas!
Feel free to do with it as you will, Arf!
(I should have said that I did not write it... I am not that clever.... and it wouldn't have ended up being a turkey! )
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