Maybe Mr ONJ aka Gerry’s guy (who incidentally is a double agent and works directly with ‘the Emperor’ and therefore is on ‘the dark side of the moon’) should re read about reprogramming of ball!!!
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Alas what he sees as running around in circles is actually the Borg side of me recharging my automated parts including my body armour with built in defence shield, which deflects the 250 at warp speed and with such force it turns them into fireballs, this in turn scares Mr ONJ to the point were he is rooted to the spot looking decidedly like Christopher Biggins, meanwhile using the powers of the dark side I make a hole appear beneath Mr ONJ which he plummets down into the depths of the earth. All this at the same time as having a pedicure, doing my monthly online shop at ASDA, arranging for the MOT of my spaceship and re-oiling said automated parts which have gotten rather excitable at the ball machine extracted from the Umpires breeches and are whirring away quite contently.
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‘ Arrrhhhhhh ………………………’ is the only sound we hear coming from the Journey to the Center of the Earth
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Deuce I believe and mine will be a 3 course a la carte menu washed down with a bottle of natural spring water flown in especially from the waters of <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Babylon</st1:place></st1:City> followed by a box of after eight mints !!!
Arrrhhhhhh ..... is the only sound we hear coming from the Journey to the Center of the Earth, HA, you have no idea the power of the force within
its not Arrrhhhhhh but in fact its ah ha.....I have a bright idea.. I rapidly deploy the afore mentioned Olympic size trampoline and bounce back up through the hole faster than greased weasel sh*t. at he same time dropping my shorts and getting out my MK 10 anti "Dark side automated parts" water cannon. I fire the said weapon directly at you with the force of 100 fire hydrants. This short circuits your parts and renders the annoying light sabre useless. Unable to pick any more strawberry seeds from your teeth, a strawberry plant the size of Brighton grows from your mouth....Your chin drops to the floor and you are left in a state of frozen speechlessness. I turn to the crowd who are now giving me a standing ovation and singing Tina Turners "Your simply the best, ... the dark one is just a pest" and Carly Simons "nobody does it better, makes me feel sad for the pest." <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
I turn to my Mrs Touch judge ( who really is ONJ...WOW>>> ) and we give the ecstatic fans a demonstration of our mouth to mouth resuscitation techniques whilst at the same time mooning directly at you....
The umpire (seriously Peed of that you stole his ball machine) declares Advantage VFR and gives you a warning for un-lady like conduct <o:p></o:p>
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And when you get me home, a coffee too, you can make me
Ha gotcha ……….. you fell for the oldest trick in the book, a cybernetic carbon copy of me is what you aimed at (nah nah nah nah) ………………… I sit in the crowd laughing hysterically at your foolishness, eating a jacket potato with cheese and beans, doing the telegraph crossword and solving a rubik cube 1 handed, I don my black ninja outfit and just like the milk tray man, stealth like in my approach pull the stopper out of ONJ (yes she was blow up and £9.99 off ebay) who flies around the crowd at such velocity that she spontaneously combusts, I take advantage of your state of mesmorisation and bundle you into the back of a TNT van inside a box marked ‘Do Not Handle with Care’ destination is ‘to infinity and beyond’, the van pulls away following the signs for the yellow brick road ……………… The crowd erupt with applause and start a Mexiacan wave followed by a verse of Agadoo and then the Casper slide ……………… Advantage to the dark side me thinks and thoughts of the biggest choc dessert on the menu
Paul/Jackie....... Brilliant! but would you please consider moving over to a seperate court so i don't miss any game shots ............ rolly eyes smiley .
How to kick a bloke when he’s down……you’ve turned it into an art form BJ…………..
But the force is strong……if only you knew me better Dark One… HA HA HA…. then you would know that my daughter is an IT trainer for TNT and my eldest son loads the lorries…HA….
He lets me out the back of the lorry (as any good son would) I creep back onto the court. As you admire the Mexican wave that you mistakenly took for applause but is actually waves of dismissal and disapproval aimed at you, All yours fans shout in unison ( that’s both of them by the way) “he’s behind yoooooooou”. Before you can turn round I clatter you round the head with my “Acme Dark One head removal” Tubular Bells. After a short pause for the now customary PMSL at your expense I toss you head long down the hole you so thoughtfully made on my side of the court for “The return to the centre of the earth” whilst at the same time deactivating my Olympic size trampoline I left behind and lobbing 4 tons of TNT and 300 Terry’s chocolate oranges behind you. The resultant explosion turns you and the Chocolate oranges into a choccy gooy poo like gunge and the walls of the hole collapse around you, All I would add, while sobbing in a heartbroken manner at the demise of my ONJ but then rejoicing when I win 8 more of her on ebay and get a discount too.
Makes mental note that Clarissa has unveiled her self as a subversive and a Royal impostor and is now in the top 100 most wanted and can no longer be trusted.
The umpire declares “Deuce” and I claim the first game by default because the dark side is actually naive enough to think TNT can deliver anything right….and is still stuck down the hole wondering “Force in hell, what the force was that ?”
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I announce…..
Bit of a Pearl Harbour out there tonight….a right nasty Nip in the air…
The crowd go mad (with excitement)
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Shot yourself in the foot I think….or in “thackery speak”…..one has discharged a loaded firearm into one of One’s lower extremities……yer doomed…
<o:p></o:p>Y’know, I feel an Italian coming on…………Cant wait to see you get out of this mess………….
vfr400paul................never assume anything about me........ i have West Country connections and ........................................... friends in High places ..........
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