OK FBK and Oggy..you want to politically incorrect...heres a joke I got sent to me today from my friend Net:
Hi there b****cks, merry ba**ard xmas and a f**king c*ck sh*t fanny c*nting happy pr*ck new year from all your friends at the tourette syndrome centre
Heres one that is much cleaner:
Taffy Jock and Paddy were chatting.
Taffy says "my wife bought a car and she cant drive"
Jock says "my wifes gone on a diet and shes not even fat"
Paddy says "thats nothing my wifes has taken 30 condoms to Benidorm and she hasnt even got a c*ck!"
Actual world Headlines:
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter[hmm!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that's taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Do they ever read what they write?] Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!] Miners Refuse to Work after Death [The good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!] Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!] War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!] If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While [You think?!] Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!] <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on">Enfield</st1:City> (<st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">London</st1:place></st1:City>) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Murder[They may be on to something!] Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!] Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [He probably IS the battery charge]New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!] Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!] And the winner is....
...Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead [Did I read that sign right?]
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The newspaper I work for one came within a whisker of printing the following report of a routine drugs case in the local magistrates' court:
WPC found ecstasy
in man's underpants
seems such a shame it was censored, really
Notice how the vast majority of letters in the agony columns are from women? This is why:
Dear Agony Aunt, I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?
I once picked her mobile phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her.
I decided I was going to park my motorbike next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer? <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
Yours Sincerely, <o:p></o:p>
A concerned biker
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