An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.“Mother, where do babies come from?”The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.Officer: May i see your licence?Lady: what does it look like?Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer. The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'
top ten tips to know if you have PMS
10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.3. You're counting down the days until menopause.2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
Count the F'sThis will blow your mind... Just do it - but don't cheat! You would only be cheating yourself!Try this, its actually quite good. But don't cheat!Quickly read through the following text and count the number of F's in it.FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARSManaged it?Scroll down only after you have counted them!OK?How many?Three?Wrong, there are six - no joke! Read again!FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARSThe reasoning is that the brain cannot process the word "OF".Incredible or what?Anyone who counts all six F's on the first go is a genius. Three is normal.
The StatueA woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door."Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue.""What's this honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room."Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water
have put some more jokes on page 3 they might give you a laugh
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