In fact a mate of mine got divorced, then once the house was settled, bought himself a smaller house and had 8 grand left to buy furniture, then thought better of it and bought a fireblade!
A man came home, screeching his car into the driveway, and ran into the house. He slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"The wife said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," he said. "Just get out."
I think Sir Paul McCartney should try to put his current predicament into perspective. In olden days, if you were unfortunate enough to be robbed by an omniped, it would almost certainly be a pirate. At least he's going to come out of this alive.
I was at a wedding the other week, and the vicar said - I kid you not - "Don't be embarrassed to touch your rings if it gives you pleasure." No one understood why I laughed out loud.
The vicar that christened George made a whole page in the Sunday Mail a few years back, he ran off with a parishoner, second time he'd done it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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