DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in. One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched 'STOP!', he shouted in a firm voice.'Have you got a license for that thing?' Ethel fished around in herhandbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted, 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?'Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, 'Carry on, ma'am.'As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Gerry stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizeable erection in his hand.Oh, Good grief,' said Ethel, 'Not the breathalyser again!
A guy goes to the Council to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him "Have you been in the armed services?""Yes" he says, "I was in the Falklands for three years." The interviewer says "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks "Are you disabled in any way?"The guy says "Yes 100%... a land mine blew my testicles off."The interviewer tells the guy "OK. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 a.m."The guy is puzzled and asks "If the hours are from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 a.m.?""This is a Council job" the interviewer replies. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls.......no point in you coming in for that."
The Guys at Lichfield District Council must have really big balls .....ive been waiting for them to remove a fallen tree for over a week....either that or have they have caught something...
sorry couldnt resist...
ANNOY and frustrate SpecSavers staff by wandering up to their counter, squinting your eyes whilst looking up at the price board, and when they ask if they can help you, saying "Big Mac Meal, please."
![Collected these the other day. (2) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8mobileLQ.jpg)
![Collected these the other day. (2) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8desktopLQ.jpg)
