"The other thing is that the
longer you are on your own, I think you become more selfish as
you don't have to consider anyone else."
An alternative PoV is that people are maybe far TOO accommodating in relationships when they're younger, but tend to hold out more for what they really want as they become older and more worldly wise.
When I was younger I was certainly more prepared to consider ill fated (as it turned out) relationships where there was less common ground in the hope that with work, an acceptable compromise might be reached. It never ended well.
Over the years I've come to believe that as far as relationships go if a decent amount of commonality doesn't exist, it's going nowhere. Any relationship where you have to make too much effort or compromise just to get along is simply not worth pursuing.
Selfish? - or pragmatic? - I think it's a point of view thing myself.
My previous relationship was disastrous, I stayed in it nevertheless, for the wrong reasons - my kids. Eventually I saw sense, and for a good 5 years was so relieved to be out of a bad relationship that I was in no hurry to get into another one.
I've been single for about 10 years now, which feels far too long, but I am confident enough on my own and independant enough that I only want to be with someone not need it, and more importantly want to be with someone I can be happy with, not just be with.
My friends have never tried to set me up with anyone, but I can't help feeling that's to prevent them from being liable for landing me on someone they like, rather than thinking I don't need help... lol hopefully!
As capable as I am, it's the going back to an empty bed when everyone else is coupled up that does it, and that hug that you just need sometimes. Luckily I have friends that can stand in with the hugs.
And most of my friends being couples is the reason I've joined the site, to make a new friends who enjoy the same things that I do, and
hopefully meet that someone. I'm sure I will make friends, not so sure about the other after all this time, sorry Alice x
Exactly I fel the same and i always end up being too accomodating and forgetting what I want instead of just say thanks it was nice move on. Its the hope I think lol (that or stupidity)
I dont mind my empty bed Its a nest for me I like to read in bed, listen to music, do what ever I want when I want and find it hard to to that if someone else dont like it. I think some of the points made are true. If you dont make sure you have enough in common it will never really wotrk unless you change or grow together. i think mostly we just grow apart. (ah well) Losing someone and getting divorced etc I think can give you a very different perpective. But you have to celebrate the good times in any case otherwise it all get covered up with the bad. (i know this biut dont always practice what I preach lmao
I'm new to forums and only joined here at the weekend but did so to try meet people with similar interests, i.e. bikes and tattoos :)
I have been married twice, once for 15 yrs to the father of my kids. He was in the services and like many marriages we just grew apart. Great guy but I didnt wanna live with my mate for the rest of my life. My second husband died suddenly and completely unexpectedly coming up 3 yrs ago or I would like to think we would still be together.
I dont mind being single and think it has its plus points but my kids are grown and I do get days where I think it would be nice to have someone to come home to etc - although I can talk myself out of that as quick as anything at times.
I'd like to think I've got a good life and if someone comes along thats great and if not well I've had 2 decent long term relationships in my life so guess I can't moan. I don't have a cat just yet - I've got a bloody dopey dog though if that means anything who I am sure will live till she's 100 just to annoy me :)
I,m finding these messages interesting ,havin come out of a 27yr marriage 8mths ago,[it should of ended a year or two earlier]and with the 2 youngest at uni,comin home to a quiet empty house is strange but maybe you do get use to it.On the good side i,ve got good mates over in brum who i,ve been ridin with for over 30yrs so am sellin up and movin back there,and hopefully a new begining.Oh at least i have my hens to talk to trouble is there startin to talk back.
I think you do become a bit selfish when you've been on your own for a while,not in a bad way,just that you dont have to consider anyone else and just do your own thing.
I've been in relationships in the past just for the sake of it and put up with some not particularly nice treatment. I certainly wont do it again,i have learnt my lesson on that score. When i think back i could kick myself for putting up with it
A friend recently said maybe its because i'm quite independant that i havnt found anyone, but i think its more like i know what i want and what i dont want now.
lavender:
A friend recently said maybe its because i'm quite independant that i havnt found anyone, but i think its more like i know what i want and what i dont want now.
Lavender I agree with that, I think that's what scares some men off, women who are strong minded.
Nealy:
intresting thred this one just shows its not all about bikes dont it !
Yep, thank gawd lol
naw we are all fussy picky sods and have such high expectations no one will ever come up to the mark lol........and if they do we will find something else wrong lol...........PMSL...
But on a serious note........ after a long relationship I think the worst thing you could do is jump straight into another one.......you need time to find yourself again...
........because as independant as some couples say they are, you do absorb a lot of the other person into your life and you need time to chill and be yourself again .... that person is not the jack or Gill the lad/ ladette you think you are, suddenly released after 10 years in captivity for all those lucky girls and guys out there........you will be more mature, and wiser (hopefully) and well no spring chicken either lol...
......so after the initial madness you need to absorb the calm and learn to be single again ....it is actually quite liberating and well back to the piss take.....
.........personally I'm taking up yoga.....when I get flexible I won't have to leave the room PMSL
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