A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! " The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"
Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone
else...One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll
give you a $1000 dollars if you let me screw you....but the girl said NO.
Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down,
I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought for a moment and
said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her
boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She said "The bastard used coins"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety
before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?3. Why cant woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say"hi, my names Bob. Im an alcoholic"?5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centurieshave a use by date?9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to ahorrible crisp no one would eat?10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think ill squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?11. What do people in China call their good plates?12. If the professor on Gilligans Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why cant he fix a hole in a boat?13. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? Theyre both dogs.14. What do you call male ballerinas?15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?16. If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesnt he buy his dinner?17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?20. If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?21. Why is it that when someone tells you that theres billions of stars in the universe,you believe them. But if they tell you theres wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?22. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?23. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
The Blackboard One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone handwritten the word penis in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word penis again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the days lesson. Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board, each days word, larger than the previous days word. Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words, The more you rub it, the bigger it gets
![joke time (5) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8mobileLQ.jpg)
![joke time (5) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8desktopLQ.jpg)
