Fella buys a packet of mixed flavour condoms, raspberry, banana, etc.Says to wife, "lets play a game, I'll put one on and you guess what flavour it is." She agrees. She goes under the duvet and says " cheese & onion!".He says "for f**ks sake, give me a chance to put one on!"
A virile, middle aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, 'So, you finish?'She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, 'No.'Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.This time she thrashed about wildly and there were passion. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, 'You finish?'Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him softly says, 'No.'Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked her again, 'You finish?'Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear,'No, I'm Norwegian.'
The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.=20During mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"All the men stood up."No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"All the women stood up."No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"Half the women stood up."No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.The priest fainted.
My ex husband stood looking at himself in the mirror naked, He asked me " Why is it whenever i see my self i get a stomping erection" ?. i told him" it;s cus you look like a c*nt "
a well 2 do married couple decide to spice up their love life by buying dairy products from a well known supermarket but this isn' t just any porn this is m&s porn
true story!! friend of mine works at a building society one of the staff died they went to the funeral an had to close some of the counter's the notice on the door said 'sorry for the inconveniance some services are closed because of skeleton staff'
another friends mum has alzhiemers,at the doctors[a coloured guy] after listening to his advice on treatment she turned to my friend and said ''what did the nig nog say?''
nope, as long as you all stick to the no swearing rule and just stick to smutty, then what reason do we have to shut the thread down?
Any how all you naughty children would only start "smutty thread - the sequel" and everyone knows the sequels are never as good as the original lol
Rigan (wearing Moderator hat )
T.M.
You been on steroids? It's amazing how a fit woman can get your enthusiasm going again..
What's Scary gonna think now you got this new woman and watch out for the thighs, she'll crack your head like a wallnut..
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