Jack Jones In: Lincolnshire Bas
Posts: 1468
Karma:
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.' I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.' And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
A private yacht is cruising and hits a reef and starts to sink. Nearby, there is a tropical island, but only three survivors make it, two guys and one girl. They patiently wait for rescue, but no rescue comes, so they start living off the fruits of the land and building shelter. Time goes by and still no rescue, so they start doing what guys and girls do together. After a few weeks, the girl starts to feel really dirty about having sex with these two guys, so she kills herself. The guys are depressed, but after a few weeks, they start doing what guys do when you're only two guys stranded on an island.
After a few more weeks of this behavior, the guys start to feel really bad and dirty about what they're doing, so they bury her.
A zoo keeper gets raped by an elephant, and is rushed to the hospital for treatment. The doctor examines him and asks why his arse has been stretched out 10 inches when an elepants penis is only 4 inches wide.
Weeping the man replies " The dirty bastard fingered me first"
Got a new Doctor at our surgery, went to see her for the first time the other day, she's a 33 yr old drop dead gorgeous blonde. She said " tell me what the problem is and I'll check you out" I said " My wife thinks my dick tastes funny"
A 73 yr old woman was in court for streaking at the Chelsea flower show, she was let off with a caution but was awarded first prize for her dried bush arrangement
I saw my mate charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him, I shouted "where you off to Charlie?" he said "I'm going to change a light bulb" I pissed myself laughing and said " thats gonna be awkard ain't it?" "not really" he said, "I've still got the receipt for it, you fucking spiteful bastard!"
The orgasm has 4 stages: Asthmatic (ahh, ahh, ahh) Mathematics (more,more more) Religious (OMG!) and Criminal (If you pull it out or stop licking I'll kill U!)
<!--6e052d28b1806771e2d163a041d4a5d4-->Cheryl Cole, louis Walsh & Simon Cowell are walking along the street when Cheryl trips, falls forward and jams her head in some railings. Simon, quick as a flash pulls her knickers down, and bangs her senseless from behind. Slapping her tight little arse he turns to Louis and says "Your turn" Louis starts crying. "What...s wrong ?" says Simon. Louis sobs "My head wont fit in the railings !"
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
I can't believe my girlfriend left me after only 2 weeks.
She said it's because i'm a compulsive liar.
I think it's just 'cos she couldn't handle my 14" cock.
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
Paddy was on a tv quiz show, when he was asked what's the most dangerous insect in the world.
He jumped up and said "Oi know, oi know... It's the Hepatitis Bee"
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
I went outside to find my next door neighbour scrubbing the word "Nonce" off his front door.
"Hey up John, what's been going on?" i asked.
"Fucking kids" he replied.
Dirty bastard.
I just walked into a bedroom and caught my Nan sucking my Grandad's cock.I said"Nan that is disgusting".She said "It is perfectly normal"I said!No it's wrong,you should have buried it with the rest of him"...
My son fell asleep at a recent house party we had,so for a laugh i decided to shave off his eyebrows and draw a cock on his face.My wife went F/#'ing mental when she looked in his cot!!
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