I said to my son "where you going?" he said "I'm off out to meet a girl" " I said dont forget to wear a .... you know" he said "what?" I said "you know" he said "do you mean a condom?" I said "No, a fucking hat you ginger cunt"
A mate of mine kept telling his girlfriend not to turn her head away near the end of a blow job, did she listen? did she fuck! it went in one ear n out the other!
A
man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform
Sexually. He finally goes to his doctor
who tries a few things, but
nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope,
the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.
The medicine man says, 'I can cure this.'
With that said, he throws a white powder into a
flame, and there is a Flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he
says, 'This is powerful healing
But you can only use it once a year. All you
have to do is say 飓,'
And it shall rise for as long as you wish!'
The man then asks, 'What happens when it's over,
and I don't want
To continue?'
The medicine man replies, 'When your partner can
take no more sex all She has to say is ', and it will
then go down. But be warned, the Pork sword will not rise
again for another year.'
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his
new powers. That night he Showers, shaves and smothers himself
in aftershave. He slides into bed,
Cuddles up to his wife, says 飓' and suddenly
he has the most
Gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man
promised.
His wife turns over and asks, 'What did you say
飓 for?"
My son came home today and proudly announced to me that he had just lost his virginity.I asked him who with and was relieved to hear him say it was with the nice bit of stuff next door.Proud as punch i had to just check and asked him if he had been sensible and had worn anything!He said do you think i am stupid?Of course i did.My balaclava!!
A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.... 'I'd like to buy a horth' he says.What sort of horse?', said the owner. 'A female horth,' the owner shows him a mare. 'Nithe horth,' says the dwarf, 'can I thee her eyth?" owner picks him up shows the eyes.'Nith eyth', says the dwarf, 'can I thee her teeth?' owner picks him up shows the teeth. 'Nith teeth,' he says 'now can I see her twot?' the owner picks him up and shoves his head deep. inside the horses vagina,pulls him out.The dwarf shakes his head and says 'Perhaps I should weefwaze that... 'Can I see her wun awound?
Kids know far too much these days , Today in the doctors waiting room, I saw a little girl playing with her Barbie & Ken dolls imitating the doggy position, I bent down and told her, "You'll end up with little baby dolls if you keep doing that." She replied, "I don't think so dickhead, he's doing her up the arse....... "
A man walked into work with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.The man said, "A woman stood up in the bus. Then, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around, punched me square in the eye.""Where did you get the other shiner? the boss asked. "Well, I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in."
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women. Mixing the 'Clio' and the 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, the average male car thief won't be able to find it let alone turn it on, even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it. Rumour has it though that it leaks transmission fluid once a month and can be a real bitch to start in the morning!!
A surgeon was operating on a man when he slips and accidentally cuts the mans balls off. he quickly inserts 2 onions and sews his scrotum back up. One month later the man comes back for a check up, "any problems?" asks the surgeon, "A few" said the man "I cry when I piss, my wife gets heartburn after a blowjob, and I get a fuckin hard on when I see a cheese sandwich!"
An innocent Irish girl says to her mum "My hands are freezing" her mum replies "Put 'em between your legs, that'll soon warm 'em up." The next-day the girl is with her boyfriend. He says "My hands are freezing." "Put 'em between my legs" she says, "That'll soon warm 'em up." He does and turns round and says "My penis is freezing." When the girl gets home, she asks her mum "Have you ever heard of a penis?" "Yes, why?" her mother asks confused, "Because they don't half make a mess when they defrost."
![over 18' only (8) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8mobileLQ.jpg)
![over 18' only (8) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8desktopLQ.jpg)
