A man notices a small boy wearing a firemans hat, sitting in a cart being pulled by his pet dog.When he gets closer he notices the cart is tied to the dogs testicles."thats a nice fire engine"the man says....."wouldnt the dog pull faster if you tied the rope to his collar"...."yes" said the boy....."but i wouldnt have a Fu**ing siren would i "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
paddy goes into b&q and says to the assistant-
"i would like 20 tons of building sand.....30,000 bricks and 100 bags of cement please sur"
assistant-"good grief sir thats an awful lot of building materials what the heck are you building with that lot?"
paddy-"aah its for a barbecue so it is"
assistant-"i can assure you sir you really do not need that much material for a barbecue"
paddy-" i feckin do mister i live on the 18th feckin floor"
A man walks into a bar, late one night completely knackered and dripping with sweat and orders 5 whiskies. "What's wrong with you?" The barman says. "In my car I've got a nymphomaniac - you couldn't satisfy her if you were there 'til Christmas," he replies. "We'll see about that," says the barman and goes out to the car park. He
has been in the car with the woman for a while when there is a knock on
the window and a policeman shines his torch in. The barman jumps up and
winds down the window to talk to the policeman. "It's all right officer, I'm just shagging the wife," he says. "Oh, I'm sorry sir, I didn't know it was your wife" replies the cop. The barman replies -"Neither did I 'til you shone your torch!"
A mother and daughter were riding in a cab though New York City
daughter noticed some scantily clad women loitering on a street
"Mommy," the little girl asked, "what are all those ladies doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to come home from work." the mother answered.
"C'mon lady, they're hookers!" retorted the cab driver.
After a stunned silence, the daughter asked, "Mommy, do hookers have children?"
"Of course," the mother replied, "where do you think cabbies come from?"
3 women went shopping... a Girlfriend, a mistress and a wife
They decide to go into Annsummers and buy a "kinky" leather bra an pants set with a gimp mask and all wear it for there men that night, the next day they get together to find out what happend
Girlfriend - "my boyfriend loved it and we had wild sex all night"
Mistress - "Me too, i cant wait to do it again"
Wife - "my husband walked in looked at me and said 'Alright batman whats for tea?' "
A little girl went into a pet shop and asked 'excuthe me,do you haf any widdle wabbits?' the shop keeper's heart melted. He got down on his knees so that he was on her level and said, 'do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft fwuffy bwack wabbit?' or maybe one of the widdle bwown ones over there?' the little girl blushed, rocked on her heels, put her hands on her knees, leaned forward and whispered. 'i dont wealy fink my pyfon give a f*ck
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher
picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds
sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be
left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little
Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women
eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second
was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is
married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Two woman walking home after night out on the town one says I'm bursting for a Wee the other one says I need a number two
wilst walking on they pass a grave yard so dieside to nip in and relieve them selves
they both squat by some new head stones . a little time passes one girl says to the other I need to wipe my bum
the other girl says here there a ribon on this one use that and passes it over
they both walk home say tata go to bed .
next morning wilst lying in bed the second girls fella didnt look to pleased and wasnt talking to her
whats the matter she said ?
did you have a GOOD night he shouted !
yes why she said?
well i went to give you a cuddle last night and found this stuck to your bum! he passed her a card
it read
LOVE From all the lads at the fire station we will never forget YOU
3 doctors discussing cases, French doc says 'we transplanted a lung from Paris to a sick man in Cannes and in six weeks he was looking for work'. The German doc says 'we had a heart transplanted to a man in Berlin from a man in Frankfurt and in four weeks he was looking for work'. English doc says 'we transplanted an arhole from Scotland into 10 Downing street and now the whole country is looking for work'
A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up on his new toy and heads over to her parents house for the first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that whenever they have dinner, don't talk. "If you talk," she tells him, "you have to do the pots." The man is astounded as he walks into the house as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner not saying a word. The man decides to take advantage of the situation by groping his girlfriend's tits, yet there is not a sound from anyone. So he decides to shag his bird on the table, and still there is not a word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend's mum over the table, but still, amazingly, there's not a word from anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the kitchen window and remembers his precious motorbike, so he reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out.At which point his girlfriend's dad leaps up and shouts, "Okay! Okay! I'll do the fucking pots!"
![Silly jokes (10) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8mobileLQ.jpg)
![Silly jokes (10) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8desktopLQ.jpg)
