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I walked past my fridge last night and thought i heard two onions singing a bee gees song....when i opened the fridge door it was just 'chives talkin'........
'i'm baffled by your orange penis' the doctor told his patient.
"Does anyone else in your family have this condition?"
..the concerned fellow said "NO"
"Do you handle and chemicals at work"
" I dont work "
"Well what do you do all day " asked the frustrated doctor
"WATCH PORN AND EAT WOTSITS "
Hillbilly couple are walking out of the divorce court...the wife is crying her eyes out....hubby says.."for god sake woman stop crying.....your still my sister !!!!
There has been a big bust up in the biscuit tin.! A bandit called rocky who was crackers hit a penguin over the head with a club....tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue riband, kidnapped a trophy and made his breakaway in a taxi.The police say rocky was last seen just after eight by a viscount from maryland hobnobbing a ginger nut. Unfortunately they have not got a crumb of evidence ( the jammy dodger got away)!!!!!!!!!!!
Just been to the gym...theres a new machine...only used it for a hour as i started to feel sick...it does everything...kit-kats, mars bars,.snickers..and crisps !!!!!
hubby and wife out driving, not talkin after a row ...passing a farm of mules and pigs, hubby asks sarcastically
"relatives of yours "...wife replies.........
"yep fooking in laws "
Man wakes wife up and asks......"would you like some coffee darling or would you prefer sex ?"
"i'm not fussed" she replied
"either way its gonna be F**king instant "
Couple driving home and run over a badger, thet get out and find it's still breathing but freezing cold.He says "Put it between your legs to warm it up"
she says.."but its all wet and it stinks"
He says"well hold the badgers nose then "
Two mates having a drink one says"if i went to your house while you were at work, sha**ed your wife and she got pregnant,would that make us related"........his mate replied......"dunno about related but it would definately make us even !!!"
An 80yr old couple were seen sha**ing furiously up against a fence.for 40 mins they sha**ed like bas**rds...arms and legs everywhere until they fell to the floor.Christ she said...you didnt F**k me like that 50 years ago..to which the old boy replied.....50 years ago that fence was not f**king electric!!!!
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