Short but sweet......and silly
Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
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Q. What's the difference between a hedgehog and a BMW?A. The hedgehog has the pricks on the outside.<o:p></o:p>
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Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.<o:p></o:p>
this
punk sits down on a bench, next to an old man reading a newspaper.
After a few minutes the man looks over and stares for a long time at
the punks multicoloured Mohawk. The teenager looks over at the man and
says "What's the matter old man, never done anything interesting in
your life?" The man replied "Yes, I once got drunk and slept with a
parrot, I was just wondering if you were my son?"
Bit of a long one this, but hopefully worth it.
There was a boy who was really spoilt. One day his mother announced that she would be going out for the evening and his father was to look after him.
That evening at around 6pm she got ready and left telling the father that the boy had to be in bed by nine.
As soon as she was out of the door, “Can we go for a walk Dad”, asked the boy?
“I don’t know son, you have to be in bed by nine.”
“Oh, pleeeeeeaaaaaaasssssse”, moans the boy.
“Ok”, says his father, “but it’ll have to be a short one.” So they get their coats and shoes on and go out for a walk.
As they are out walking the boy notices signs for a fairground. “Can we go to the fair Dad?”
“I don’t think so son”, says the father, “you have to be in bed by nine.”
“Please Dad, please, please!”
“Look,” says his Dad, “you wanted to go for a walk and now we’re going for a walk.”
“But I want to go to the fair,” whines the kid who then starts to stomp his feet and sulk.
“Ok, ok,” gives in his father, “we’ll go to the fair, but we can’t stay long.”
So they go to the fair. At the fair is a donkey ride.
“Can I have a go on the donkey Dad?”
“Look,” says his Dad, “you wanted to go for a walk and we went for a walk. You wanted to go to the fair and we’ve come to the fair. You can’t have a go on the donkey because you have to be in bed by nine.”
The kid throws himself on the grounds and starts punching the ground whilst crying “But I want to go on the donkey, I want to go on the donkey!!”
“Ok, stop it,” says his Dad. “One go and then we have to leave.”
So the boy gets to ride on the donkey.
After the donkey ride he turns to his Dad, “Can we buy the donkey Dad?”
“Look,” says his Dad, “you wanted to go for a walk and we went for a walk. You wanted to go to the fair and we’ve come to the fair. You wanted to have a ride on the donkey and you’ve had a ride on the donkey. We are NOT buying the donkey!”
The kid starts to scream at the top of his voice, “I want the donkey, I want the donkey, I want the donkey ...” People stop and stare, the owner of the donkey looks embarrassed, even the donkey looks bewildered!
“Stop making a scene please son,” pleads the father, “ok, we’ll buy the donkey!!!”
So they buy the donkey and set off for home.
On the way home the boy turns to his father and asks, “Can I call the donkey wan*er Dad?”
“What!!” Says the surprised father!!
“I want to call the donkey wan*er”, says the boy.
“Look,” says his Dad, “You wanted to go for a walk and we went for a walk. You wanted to go to the fair and we’ve been to the fair. You wanted to have a ride on the donkey and you’ve had a ride on the donkey. You wanted to buy the donkey and we’ve even flipping well bought the donkey!! There is no way you are calling the donkey Wan*er!!!!”
The boy instantly stops and begins to scream and cry. It’s dark and people are in bed and the father is suddenly worried about him waking people.
“Ok, ok, ok,” says the Dad, “if you want to call the donkey Wan*er, we’ll call the donkey Wan*er!!!”
So they walk home, the father, his son and their new donkey called Wan*er.
They get home and both go to bed.
That night there is a terrible thunderstorm which wakens the boy. He runs to the window and looks out into the garden where the donkey is tied up. As he watches, the scared donkey bucks and pulls at the rope until eventually it snaps and the donkey leaps over the garden fence and runs off down the street.
The boy runs from his bedroom and bursts into his parent’s room.
“WAN*ER’S OFF DAD!! WAN*ER’S OFF!!!!”
“Look,” says his Dad, “you wanted to go for a walk and we went for a walk. You wanted to go the fair ........”
A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in TheAfrican desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched upbehind the mess tent.He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 Men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have "urges".That's why we have Molly the camel."The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understandabout "urges," so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captainstarts having his own "urges." Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeantto bring the camel to his tent.Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder and has insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"No not really, sir... "They usually just ride the camel into town wherethe girls are". --
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. <o:p></o:p>
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? <o:p></o:p>
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe. <o:p></o:p>
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Q: How do you keep your h<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:PersonName>us</st1:PersonName>band from reading your e-mail? <o:p></o:p>
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manuals' <o:p></o:p>
Police say micheal jacksons death could be suspicious, they are currently looking for a smooth crinimal,he could be black or white, but hes definately bad and dangerous.They got fingerprints off the wall, and they say say say there was a man in the mirror, so he has to be there.They would like ben and billy jean to come forward but they dont wanna be starting something,. police say they dont stop till they get enough as they get blood on the dance floor.its going to be a tough case but they will beat it.Police say its a real thriller
Have you been injured at work....
Had a car accident ??
Fell over on a wet floor ?
Or tripped on a uneven kurb ?
If so...............
your a clumsy BA**ARD
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