paddy goes into the doctors and slaps him in the face.that's for saying to my wife she has a lovely fanny. i didn't said the doc i said she had acute angina
Extracts from letters sent to a council housing office<!--INFOLINKS_ON-->
These are genuine extracts from letters sent to a council housing office. There are double entendres galore but the senders wrote their words in all innocence.Lady tenant complaining about DIY repairs next door:"He has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more."Problems with the garden foilage:"My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it"Noisy neighbours:"... and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.""I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6 a.m. his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.""I am a single woman living in a downstairs apartment and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night."Dangerous paths:I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle badly; then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.""Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."Kitchen furniture problems:"I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers."Repairs needed:Send a man round with a big tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife."I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction."Often in life we send people the wrong message or messages without realising we are doing so.
i won't say that coleen rooney is a touch thick, but apparantly when she found out that wayne had paid £1200 for a 19 year old escort, she reportedly asked if it came with mot and tax....
Paddy takes his goldfish to the vet and tells him it has epilepsy.
The vet says to Paddy "It looks calm enough to me"
Paddy replies "I haven't taken it out of the fecking bowl yet"
Black Testicles <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
A male patient is lying in bed <o:p></o:p>
in the hospital, <o:p></o:p>
wearing an oxygen mask over his <o:p></o:p>
mouth and nose, <o:p></o:p>
still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure <o:p></o:p>
A young student nurse appears to give him a <o:p></o:p>
partial sponge bath. <o:p></o:p>
Nurse,' <o:p></o:p>
he mumbles, from behind the mask <o:p></o:p>
'Are my testicles black?' <o:p></o:p>
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies <o:p></o:p>
'I don't know, Sir. <o:p></o:p>
I'm only here to wash <o:p></o:p>
your upper body.' <o:p></o:p>
He struggles to ask again, <o:p></o:p>
'Nurse, are my <o:p></o:p>
testicles black?' <o:p></o:p>
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, <o:p></o:p>
she overcomes her <o:p></o:p>
embarrassment and sheepishly <o:p></o:p>
pulls back the covers. <o:p></o:p>
She raises his gown, holds his <o:p></o:p>
penis in one hand and his <o:p></o:p>
testicles in the other, <o:p></o:p>
lifting and moving them <o:p></o:p>
around and around gently. <o:p></o:p>
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong <o:p></o:p>
with them, Sir !!' <o:p></o:p>
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, <o:p></o:p>
smiles at her and <o:p></o:p>
says very slowly, <o:p></o:p>
'Thank you very much. That was <o:p></o:p>
wonderful, but listen <o:p></o:p>
very, very closely..... <o:p></o:p>
' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?' <o:p></o:p>
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