One day two old ladies are sitting on the porch smoking cigarettes when it starts to rain.
The first old lady takes out a condom and wraps it around her cigarette for protection.
The second old lady asks what it is and where she got it. The first old lady replies:
"You can get it at any drugstore. They're called condoms."
So the next day the second old lady goes into the drugstore and asks the clerk: "Hello, do you sell condoms?"
The store clerk looks at her oddly and asks: "How big?"
The old lady replies: "Oh, just big enough to fit a Camel."
An elerly couple had been married for 50 years, and were having breakfast one morning when the woman says: "You know when we were first married we used to have breakfast every morning butt naked. Do you think we could try again?"
He thinks that's a good idea and they take off their clothes.
After a few minutes she says: "You know my breasts still get hot for you even after all these years."
He replies: " Honey, that's because you have one nipple in your oatmeal and the other in your coffee."
A state police officer observed a car puttering along the highway at only 22 m.p.h. He turned on his lights and pulled the car over. Approaching the vehicle, he noticed that it contained five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, and that all the old ladies were wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, said, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going exactly the speed limit. What's the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replied, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? I'm following the posted speed exactly!"
The officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explained "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. Embarassed, the woman smiled and thanked him for pointing out her error. Before letting her go, however, the officer asked, "Is everyone in the car okay? Those women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a peep this whole time."
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.
So the biker asks her "You have a bike?"
The little old lady says "Yea, that's my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asks her "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of camels a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says "No, never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
Confucius say.. man who smoke pot might choke on handle.
Confucius say.. man piss in wind, wind piss back.
Confucius say.. man who eat too many jellybean, fart in technicolor.
Confucius say.. man who fishes in other's holes, catch crabs.
Confucius say.. man with hole in pocket, feel cocky.
Confucius say.. passionate kiss like spiderweb , lead to undoing of the fly.
Confucius say.. man who go to bed with stiff problem, wake with solution in hand.
Confucius say.. wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
Confucius say.. man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
![Joke3 (4) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8mobileLQ.jpg)
![Joke3 (4) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8desktopLQ.jpg)
