The village priest calls in his three most devoted pairs of Parishoners. An old couple, a thirty something couple and a newlywed couple.
"Folks" he says,"As you may know the bishop has passed away, but he has left in his will a sum of money to the most church going couple in the parish. The only stipulation from this holy man of god is that you decline from sex for two weeks."
The three couples each go off home determined to have a share in the bequest.
Two weeks later the priest questions each of them to see if they have had sexual relations during the previous fortnight.
"Not at all father, and no problem in keeping a vow of celebacy for the fortnight..." Says the elderly couple.
"Bless you both." Says the priest go and sit in the pew.
"Well it was difficult for the first week , but we persevered and in the end no problem..." Says the thirty something couple.
"Bless you both as well" says the priest. "Go and sit in the pew as well."
"Well." says the newlywed husband. "It started off so well, and then my darling bent over to pick up a cuddly toy that had fallen on the floor, and I simply couldn't resist taking her there and then."
"WHAT!!!!" shouts the priest...."You can't even stay away from the pleasures of the flesh for one measly fortnight!!!! Get out of my church now and don't come back."
"Thats OK father." says the man. "We are banned from Woolworths now as well."
If you have a book to read.... or even a magazine it will help.
I read a few pages while I am lying down in bed all comfy...... soon enough I start to doze off. Really works for me.
Old lady goes to the doctors and says she wants viagra for her husband
Doc says it comes in 3 strengths
25% semi hard
50% very hard
100% rock hard
She says 25% will do it's only to stop him peeing on his slippers.
Where does virgin wool come from?
really ugly sheep! ...................................
What do you get if you cross a elephant and a rhino?
ELLIFIKNOW ......................
A cop pulls a really nice red car over. He walks up to the window and sees this beautiful blonde. He asks for her drivers license. But she didn't know what that was nor where to keep it. So he told her and she gave it to him.
Then he asked for her registration, and again she had on idea what that was nor where they kept that. So he told her,and she found that and gave that to him. He told her that he would be right back and he walked back to his car.
He got on the radio to tell his friend about the blonde in the red car. His friend told him to give her stuff back and pull his pants down. All confused he walked over to the car and gave her stuff back, confused he pulled his pants down, she looked at him and said:
"Not another breathalizer test, I swear I haven't been drinking!"
A Blonde goes to New York
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York; and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.
The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear.
She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't someone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.
He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York
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