<!--6e052d28b1806771e2d163a041d4a5d4-->There once was a king who lived in two-story grass hut. Every holiday the king demanded to be given a new throne as a gift. As soon as a new throne arrived, he would store the old throne on the second level of his hut and use the new one instead. But one day the hut collapsed from the weight of all the thrones, and everyone was crushed and killed. The moral of this story? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones
Ive got my coat and just rang for a taxi
<!--6e052d28b1806771e2d163a041d4a5d4-->
This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, its said to be true!John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.. only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't onThe car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a bend approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the bend, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and.... wasn't drunk.Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other...'Look Paddy.....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!'
Ive got my coat and just rang for a taxi
How is eating a chocolate bar going to help? lol
Excellent joke re: car, I wasn't expecting that punch line WB
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year
old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars
Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.
'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
'Jason is on his skate board!'
After a few moments he announced, 'The Browns are shagging!!'
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know they're shagging?'
'Jimmy Brown is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar.'
Definition of confidence....You wife catches you in bed with another woman, you jump up slap her on the arse, and shout "You're next"
whats the difference between a whore and a bitch.... the whore sleeps with everybody at the party, the bitch sleeps with everbody at the party...except you.
what 3 words do you dread while making love...."Honey. I'M Home"
Whats the diffference between love, true love and showing off... Spitting, Swallowing and gargling.
choking paddy says to mick "oi've got sometin' stuck in me troat and i cant breathe properly." mick says "are ya chokin?" paddy replies "no i'm fecking serious!"
Two nuns were driving their Morris Minor, along the town streets, stopping at a set of traffic lights, Immediately a scruffy guy, runs over and begins washing the windscreen. "Go away! " shouted the junior sister. the male ignored her and kept washing away. "Leave us alone " Demanded the Mother Superior," But still he went on. The Junior nun looked over to the Mother Superior and said, " Why don't you show him you're cross." "Good idea" said the Mother Superior, She wound down the window, leaned out, and yelled, "Why don't you f**k off you cock-sucking little c**t!"
Dead Parrot
A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but Polly has passed away". The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom.
He then looked at the vet, shook his head and barked. The vet fussed the dog, took it out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who jumped up and also sniffed the bird on the table.
The cat sat back, shook its head and meowed.
It then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said,
"I'm sorry; but like I said, your parrot is dead."
He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, produced a bill and handed it to the woman. Still puzzled, the parrot's owner took the bill and looked at it. "£150!" she cried. "Just to tell me my bird is dead?! That's ridiculous!" The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been £20, but...
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan..."
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $365.95'.
The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $365.95 and the others only $19.95?'
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs and answers: 'Sir... Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends and a keyring chain made with Ken's balls.
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozencrabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible forthem staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that hewas a lawyer and proceeded to rant at her about what would happenif she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by hisbehavior.Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom toannounce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave methe crabs, in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"Not one hand went up .... so she took them home and ate them. Two lessons here:1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.
![Silly jokes (45) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8mobileLQ.jpg)
![Silly jokes (45) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8desktopLQ.jpg)
