Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
Woman and baby at doctors... "baby's not putting on weight" she says.
Doctor asks "is he bottle or breast fed?".
"Breast" she says
"O.K. strip to the waist" says the doc.
She takes off her top and he has a good feel of her breasts, cupping, kneading, rubbing, and eventually sucking on each.
"No wonder he's not putting on weight, you aren't producing any milk" says the doc.
"I should think not!" she says, "i'm his grandma, and i'm so glad i came now!"
Husband and wife decide to make a password up for sex (washing machine). They go to bed and husband says "washing machine" wife says "not tonight, i'v got a headache" half an hour goes by and she feels guilty so she says "washing machine" her husband replies "its to late, it was only a small load so i'v done it by hand"
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
Redhead woman goes to doc complaining of a rash on her 'moneybox',
Doc asks "how often do you have sex?"
"Once, maybe twice a year" she replies.
Doc says "that's not a rash, love, it's f*ckin' rust!"
This guy walks up to a woman in a bar and whispers ....i'd love to fill your p***y up with stella and then drink it all...she rushes to tell her husband who just shrugs ! ...aren't you going to kick the shit out of him she says ! no he says .i'm not fighting ..anybody who can drink that much stella! lol
bloke orders blow up doll from the intenet excited when delivered ...blows up and totally disillusioned ...bald head and 10 inch cock ! rings and says i wanted a blond with a big fanny ! they said ...you got it inside out man ! loo m
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
The police came to my door last night with a picture of my wife.
"Is this your wife, sir?" they said.
Shocked i answered "yes! Why??"
"Well sir i'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus" one said.
I said " oh i know but she has a lovely personality."
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
Man shagging a 30 stone woman says "do you mind if we turn off the light?"
"Why? do you find me repulsive?" she said.
"No, i'm burning my arse on the bulb" he said.
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute.' The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.'
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
'I'm 90 years old,' he says. 90 replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man.. 'How much do I owe you?'
My wife has been missing for 2 weeks now. The police have been round and told me to "expect the worse"So I went to the charity shop and got her clothes back.
TWO LAWYERS ARE LEAVING THE OFFICE.'''I CANT WAIT TO GET HOME''',SAYS ONE OF THEM.'''AS SOON AS I WALK IN THE DOOR IM GOING TO RIP MY WIFES NICKERS OFF'''.'''I KNOW THE FEELING''' SAYS THE OTHER MAN,,,,''NO IM SERIOUS''' SAYS THE FIRST.''THEY'RE KILLING ME'''
A husband says to his wife, "what would you do if I won the Lotto?" She says, "I'd take half, then leave you." "Excellent," he replies, "I won £12 , here's £6 - now piss off!"
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, ( thinking , 'Isn't that obvious ? ')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'For reading a book,' she replies ,
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again,
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'
'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault ,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
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