A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora' ), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. (THIS GETS BETTER!) The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador') , because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.. The women won.
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
A feminist politician visits post taliban Kabul and complains bitterly about the fact that the women have to walk 5 paces behind their men.
A year later she returns to find the women 5 paces in front of the men!
She asked her interpreter if her complaints had helped bring about the change, He said "not really, it's more to do with the landmines."
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem? A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation. A. A different bar.
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their blond, curly-haired baby? A. Sum Ting Wong. (read out loud!)
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A. A speech impediment.
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek ? A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Education class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A. The northern zoo has a description of the animal. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.
Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word? A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!' (HOW TRUE)
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale??? A. A northern fairytale begins, ...'Once upon a time...' A southern fairytale begins,.... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States
A Bloke....Walks into a fish and chip shop with a big fish under one arm and says.... "Have you got any fish cakes...?" The chippie owner sez "no mate...I'm sorry"
the bloke nods down at the fish and sez..... "shame... it's his birthday"
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
The other day i did the biggest, loudest , smelliest dump in the world, ever. It was massive!
Being the gentleman that i am, i said to the girlfriend to avoid the bathroom for an hour or so.
She got out of the bath and hasn't spoke to me since !!
(no pleasing some people)
Lady mourning her husband for 4yrs,finally goes away with a man for a weekend. On their 1st night,she's naked except for a pair of black knickers.He asks "Why the black knickers"? She says"My breasts,you can fondle,my body is yours to explore,but down there I'm still in mourning" Next night the same.Only this time he's wearing a black condom.... She asks him"Whats wiv the black condom"He replies"I want to offer my condolences"
I met a professor who was lecturing his students about 'involuntary muscle contraction'. To liven up the lesson he asked one of his female students 'do you know what your arsehole is doing when you are having an orgasm?' she replies 'probably watchin the Glasgow Rangers game with his mates'
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
I went to a fortune teller the other day.
She looked at my palm and said "you've been masturbating haven't you "
I said, "Jeez... you're good. Now tell me my future, clever twat "
So she had a good look at my face and said "...and you'll probably be doing it for a very long time!"
Bitch.
Boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labeled 'LSD'?"
Granny replies, "F*ck the pills big bird, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"
A man says to his wife, "Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time." His wife replies, "You've got a bigger dick than your brother."
Beer contains female hormones. It's true. Last night I went to the pub and by the tenth pint I was talking shite, had put on weight, and couldn't drive.
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
My dead sexy chinese neighbour surprised me the other day when she said she was desperate for a rogering.
It was only when i had my trousers round my ankles i realised she had a spare room and wants a lodger in!
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