A 73 year old lady is in court for streaking at the Chelsea Flower Show.
She was let off with a caution, but was awarded 1st prize for best dried bush arrangement.
I was in the pub with the mrs last night and i said " i love you " She said " is that you or the beer talking ?" I replied " its me , talking to the beer "
Went to a fancy dress party with a woman on mi back. The bloke at the door asked what have you come as, I said a snail, well who’s that on your back. I said its Michelle.
A gypo girl is about to get married. Her mum says, "Emerald, you do realise that
when you're married your husband will want to stick his most prized possession
in to where you piss?"
The daughter replies, "Shut up Ma, how the f@@k's he
gonna fit his Transit van in the sink?"
LOL Marsey When I came back from Egypt a few weeks ago I was dismayed at the troubles that had errupted there. One of my mates sent me this :
Priminister of Egypt issued an announcement to help the siutation in Ciaro - everyone get into their cars "toot and calm doon"
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people: Mary or Jack.It was an impossible decision because they were both decent workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Mary came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.The boss approached her and said, "Mary, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you jack off?" she said. "I feel like shit this morning."
Just got back from Blackpool, on the seafront I saw a guy and woman having a shouting match until the woman smacked the guy in the head and they started fighting. A copper turned up but instead of calming things down he starts hitting the guy with his baton, then the guy gets the baton off the copper and starts hitting him AND his wife! Then this crocodile turned up and stole all the sausages.
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
My neighbour is a right smart arse about my weight problem,
so when he asked me the other day how i'd got so fat, i told him that every time i shag his wife she gives me a biscuit.
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
Young bloke pulls a "cougar" in a club, she's 58 but looks much younger. On their way back to her house he's wondering if she has any fit daughters when out of the blue she asks if he fancies a "sportsman's double".
"What's that?" he asks ... She tells him it's a mother and daughter threesome and he screams "WOW YES PLEASE!!".
So as they go in the front door she turns the light on and shouts up the stairs "Mum put your teeth in, he's up for it!"
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