<!--6e052d28b1806771e2d163a041d4a5d4-->Took the kids to a local zoo yesterday, it was a rip off, we won't go again, only animals was a small dog. It was a Shih Tzu
<!--6e052d28b1806771e2d163a041d4a5d4-->I took the dog out earlier and the little blighter ran off, i spent 4hrs wanderin round lookin for him, when I got home the Mrs said i didn't look hard enough, so i'v shaved my head & got some tatoo's and a pair of Doc Martens still can't find the dog though
Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
Paddy and Murphy were talking one afternoon when Paddy tells Murphy,"Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii ... I went to Hawaii and Molly got pregnant.Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas and Molly got pregnant again.Last year you suggested Tahiti and darn me, if Molly didn't get pregnant again."Murphy asks Paddy, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"Paddy says, "This year I'm taking Molly with me."
Weirdoraptor In: Brough, E. Yorks
Posts: 2087
Karma:
So then a lorry goes past with rolls of turf on the back, and Murphy says "i'm gonna do that when i win the lottery".
Paddy says "what, ..drive a wagon ?"
"No, yer bloody fool," says Murphy, "send my grass to be cut!"
A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica .
They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such,
when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! ...Come in. Come into my humble shop.'
So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would beinterested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'
Well,
the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man
claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex
God that he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In
the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over
the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed
a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!
A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica .
They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such,
when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! ...Come in. Come into my humble shop.'
So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would beinterested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'
Well,
the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man
claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex
God that he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!
In
the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over
the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed
a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!
I was having trouble logging on to my Biker Match account when a mate asked "Have you tried disabling cookies?"
I said "No, but I once bit the head off a gingerbread man".
Bill catches a taxi home
one evening and the cabbie charges him almost double the usual fare and
when Bill complains he becomes abusive.
Bill resolves to get his revenge if he comes across this taxi driver again.
A week later Bill goes to get a cab home and notices the driver from the week before is third in the taxi rank.
He
strolls up and gets in the first cab, once inside he tells the driver
that he doesn’t have any cash but if he takes him home he’ll give him a
blow job. The cab driver goes mad and kicks him out of his cab.
Bill
now gets into the second cab and makes that driver the same
proposition: a blow job for a lift home. The second driver also refuses
and kicks him out.
So now Bill gets into the third taxi, the guy who ripped him off, and asks to be dropped a few blocks away.
As the cab drives off Bill smiles at the first two drivers and gives a big thumbs up
A worried father confronted his daughter one night. "I don't like that new boyfriend of yours. He's rough, common, and stupid to boot." "Oh, no, Daddy," the daughter replied. "Bobby's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and already he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month."
![Silly jokes (67) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8mobileLQ.jpg)
![Silly jokes (67) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8desktopLQ.jpg)
