A man walked into a Pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the business, and there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him. The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional, and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.The man then agreed and began by saying ....... "This is difficult for me to discuss, but I have a .... Permanent Erection. It causes me a lot of problems, and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it!?"The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.When she returned, she said "We discussed it at length, and the best we can do is":* One-third ownership of the business* A company car* And £3,000 a month salary.
A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. "Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!" "What dvd?" "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again! "Ok, it was a porno" cries the son. "What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad. Robot slaps the dad! Mum laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son." Robot slaps the mum.
One man calls Emergency services Come immediately my young son has swallowed a condom !! After four minutes the same man calls back It's OK I found another one.
Having trouble getting laid on holiday? Do what I do. Before sunbathing apply sun lotion only to your stomach in the shape of a 10 inch cock. Tell all the ladies you sunbathe naked and take your shirt off.
Thank me when you get back.
Here's a little tip if you find yourself in hospital for a few days.Masturbation while hooked up to a heart rate monitor scares the nurses a lot.
I just walked into the living room and gave my wife my last Rolo. After eating it, she got all emotional and said that it was a beautiful gesture then gave me one of the best blowjobs ever! At least she was more grateful than the dog who just licked it and sodded off.
If sex between three people is called a Threesome and sex between two people is called a Twosome...
Then why is Handsome still a compliment?
While snooping in my wife's diary, I was both delighted and excited to read about her rough and dirty sexual fantasies, all involving Anal.
That of course was before i remembered she's dyslexic, and my best mate is called Alan...
When i'm gone The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one Sunday morning. I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff." "Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked. "I thought that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other wanker using my stuff."
She looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another wanker?"
A chemist walks into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall. "What's wrong with him." he asks. His assistant replies"He came in for cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives." "You stupid idiot" the chemist says "You can't treat a cough with laxatives""Of course you can" the assistant replies "Look at him now. He's too afraid to f**king cough!''
1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1403808.59375GB in about 3 seconds. And you thought Virgin media was fast. Paddy bursts into the Benefits office. I’ve been ringing 08001730 for 2 bloody days. Why don’t you answer the bloody phone. Girl replies, those are our opening times you daft twat. Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? ; We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them. Sincerely, Crock O. SchittREMEMBER: LAUGHING LOWERS THE BLOOD PRESSURE. And thats no Shit!
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