<!--6e052d28b1806771e2d163a041d4a5d4-->The Divorced Barbie Doll One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'. The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?' The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big penis or a good memory.. I don't remember, what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13 Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life? A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. 17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
Send to the men who need a laugh and the women with a good sense of humor.
<!--6e052d28b1806771e2d163a041d4a5d4-->A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before Ican get a haircut?The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 Hours.'The guy left.A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,'How long before I can get a haircut?'The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'The guy left.A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'Howlong before I can get a haircut?The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a halfThe guy left.The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favour,follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has towait for a haircut,but he never comes back.'A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, 'Your house!'
Police recently raided Kermit the Frogs lily pad and seized thousands of nude photos of Miss Piggy, apperently it was the largest amount of frogs porn ever seen
As the Christmas spirit will be flowing over the festivities I thought I would share this experience about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice claret. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one from
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet 20,000 Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON,I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, ‘I don’t know – I thought you were watching.’
MORAL OF THE STORY Not all Irish are drunks, Not all blondes are dumb, but all men...are men!!
Paddys wife is involved in a bad car crash. In the hospital she is just talking gobbledy gook. The worried doctor asks Paddy " Is she fully compus mentus?". "No" says Paddy, "Just third party, fire and theft!"....
Dad,how was i born?Welll, son first your mother and i got together on facebook and set up a date via email. we met up at myspace and she agreed to download data from my pen drive, but right when i was about to transfer we realized that none of us had installed a firewall. it was too late to hit delete so nine months later a pop up window appeared saying you've got a male.
I apologise in advance if you've heard this before, but hey I'm new here.
Farmer, mending fences in a field, gets a message, over his radio from a farmhand.
Farmhand: Sorry boss, just hit a pig in the middle of the road. It's still moving, but I think it's had it. Suggestions?
Farmer: There's a shotgun in the back of the truck. Shoot the pig, dump it in a bush, we'll deal with it later.
Farmhand: OK
Ten minutes later.
Farmhand: I've shot the pig, dumped it in a bush,what do I do now?
Farmer: You mean there's still a problem?
Farmhand:Yeah there is. The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!
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