Home / Search Forums / Jokes, Games & Silly Things /

Silly jokes

Posts: 2,438 Pages: 95/122

Post Reply

DAVE VM
In: Bexhill On Sea
Posts: 11991
Karma:

Why don't women fart as much as men ?? Cos they don't stop talking long enough to build up any back pressure. !!

Update Reply

DAVE VM @ 05/09/2012 18:22

Deleted Member
In: NA
Posts: 0
Karma:

Life in the Australian Army..

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the station - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone!
I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody horses to get in, no calves to feed, no troughs to clean - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or goanna stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the bullock paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody dingo's arse and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target -it's a piece of p...!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Susan

Life in the Australian Army..

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of
Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army
is better than workin' on the station - tell them to get in bloody quick smart
before the jobs are all gone!

I wuz a bit slow in
settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I
like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and
shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody horses to get in, no calves to
feed, no troughs to clean - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but  its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a
light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or
goanna stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that
time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route  march'
- geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the bullock paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with  laughter. I keep
getting medals for shootin'  -  dunno why. The bullseye is as big as
a bloody dingo's arse and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the
Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the
Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target
-it's a piece of p...!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in
little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the
roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz
they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori
and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.

Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the
platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers
-  he's 6 foot 5 and15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders
and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him
till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army -  tell the boys to get in quick before
word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Susan<!--[if gte mso 10]>

<![endif]-->

Update Reply

Deleted Member @ 06/09/2012 17:49

Deleted Member
In: NA
Posts: 0
Karma:

My Unkle shakes uncontrollably when manoeuvring into a space between 2 other cars. We think he has parking zones disease...

Update Reply

Deleted Member @ 06/09/2012 21:59

jinx57
In: Leonard Stanley
Posts: 28149
Karma:

silly jokes.....life!!!!!hahahahahahaha

Update Reply

jinx57 @ 07/09/2012 12:58

Deleted Member
In: NA
Posts: 0
Karma:

Paddy goes into a Chemist's, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the spoon and offers it to the Chemist. "Could you taste this," please? The Chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it. "Does it taste sweet?" says Paddy. "No not at all", says the Chemist. "Good" says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar ".....

Update Reply

Deleted Member @ 10/09/2012 22:22

OMNF
In: Worksop
Posts: 209
Karma:

Eww GingerJen! funny tho

Update Reply

OMNF @ 11/09/2012 20:15

Deleted Member
In: NA
Posts: 0
Karma:

What's black and comes out the ground at 100mph? A mole on a motorbike.

Update Reply

Deleted Member @ 12/09/2012 18:11

jinx57
In: Leonard Stanley
Posts: 28149
Karma:

what shoots along the riverbed at 70mph....a motorpike and sidecarp!!

Update Reply

jinx57 @ 13/09/2012 09:42

Deleted Member
In: NA
Posts: 0
Karma:

No i dont want to come to your cats birthday party....freak.. My dog is getting married ...

Update Reply

Deleted Member @ 16/09/2012 21:29

Deleted Member
In: NA
Posts: 0
Karma:

If i have 10 Muffins and someone askes me for 1, how many do i have left ? Thats right 10 !!

Update Reply

Deleted Member @ 16/09/2012 21:34

Deleted Member
In: NA
Posts: 0
Karma:

I desperately want to go camping this summer............ Preferably n a hotel. With a pool and a spa....

Update Reply

Deleted Member @ 16/09/2012 21:36

Deleted Member
In: NA
Posts: 0
Karma:

Is your drama going to have an intermission soon ?.. I need to pee...

Update Reply

Deleted Member @ 16/09/2012 21:45

Deleted Member
In: NA
Posts: 0
Karma:

She said...."Thats a lot of money to spend on a purse"... It was then i knew we could never be friends...

Update Reply

Deleted Member @ 16/09/2012 21:49

Deleted Member
In: NA
Posts: 0
Karma:

A guy goes into a costume shop. He says " Im going to a costume party, i want to go as Adam " The girl brings out a fig leaf, "Not big enough". She brings out a bigger one. He says "Still not big enough ". She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says" Sill not big enough" She says, "Listen, Ace, why dont you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump ? ...

Update Reply

Deleted Member @ 17/09/2012 22:02

Deleted Member
In: NA
Posts: 0
Karma:

What cake wanted to rule the world ? Atilla the bun...

Update Reply

Deleted Member @ 19/09/2012 17:55