Yorkshire Post.
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Lancashire scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.Not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, a Cumbrian archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the Windermere Times: "Cumbrian archaeologists, finding traces of 130-year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 30 years earlier than Lancashire".One week later the Yorkshire Post reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Pickering, North Yorkshire, Amos Thwaite, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely Nothing.
Amos has therefore concluded that 150 years ago, Yorkshire had already gone wireless"._________________
A Muslim bloke i work with was bragging he had the entire Koran on CD, Interested i asked him to burn me a copy, Well Feck me !!! that's when it all kicked off
A little frog hops into a bank, and hops over to the cashier at the front desk. He says to her, "Hi, I would like a loan."
The
lady tells him to go to the end of the hallway and to the door that
says Patricia Whack. The frog obeys, and hops into her office, and plops
onto her desk, and says to her, "I want a loan."
Patricia asks
him what he would like to protect this loan with. He offers her a
ceramic lion. Patricia leaves the room for a minute, and walks over to
her bosses office.
"This frog just hopped into my office, and
asked for a loan. He wants to protect it with this," she says as she
hands him the lion.
He inspects it, and says, "It's a nicknack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan!"
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband, for example :
A wife come home late at night and quietly closes the door to her bedroom, from under theblanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can . Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters she sees her husband there reading a magazine.....
"Hi darling ", he says, "Your parents have come to visit so i let them stay in our bedroom, did you say Hello "? ....
A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is told to clean the exotic fish pool. A huge fish jumps out and bites him so he beats it to death with a spade. To hide the evidence, he feeds it to the lions, as lions eat anything.
Moving on to the chimp house, he is pelted with coconuts so he swipes two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions.
Finally , as te collects honey from the bees, he gets stung so he smashes the bees to a pulp and shovels them into the lions cage.
That evening a new lion arrives at the zoo and asks the others: "What's the food like here?"
The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant. Today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees".
I've just opened a casino for dogs.
They can play roulette, poker, blackjack and a host of other games all under one roof.
They have to go outside for craps though.
A trucker goes on a date with a girl and they seem to hit it off really well. At the end of the night he walks her home and accepts offer of coffee, needless to say coffee is last thing on both of there minds and start to make love on the couch. What the driver didn't know was the girl still lived at her parents house, this simple revelation came to him when he felt the cold hard steel of a gun barrel pressing into the back of his neck. Before he could turn around her father said, ' if your a real truck driver, you'll be able to back out of there without spilling your load now won't you?'
I was getting a bit concerned about my girlfriends mood swings and thought I would buy her a gift to cheer her up. Off into town I go and in a jewellers window I spy a mood ring. 'Thats just what I need' thought I, as I can see when I have to tread carefully when she is in a strop. Bought it, wrapped it and gave it to her the very same day and she was happy with my thoughtfulness. Anyway, she put it on and low and behold it worked a treat. When she is in a good mood, the ring is yellow, when she is really happy it turns green. Unfortunately when she is in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on my bloody forehead. Thinking about buying her a teddy bear next time.
I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.
"Do you have any kids?" she asked.
"Yes," I replied, "I have one child that's under two".
She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is".
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