So
there I was in the kitchen, quietly perusing the internet on my laptop
and having a coffee, when one of our cats comes in and saunters off into
the quite corner to use the litter tray. Nothing unusual in that of
course. However, whatever she has been eating today is obviously
determined that it still wants a goods night rest before it's ready to
face the harsh reality of ejection from it's warm, comfy, little burrow into the unforgiving desert of the kitty litter.
So despite the most amazing pelvic gyrations, belly rolls, and
swiveling contortions of the hips - the sort that would make you
desperate to get her quickly bladdered up and home from the nightclub if
she was a woman - it stubbornly refuses to depart.
Being a
Cat, she then does what comes naturally and plonks butt firmly on the
ground with legs up around her ears, and starts dragging her sorry arse
around the kitchen floor. Now this might work very well out in the
garden with some nice abrasive dry grass with a high friction content,
but on my (albeit cheap and badly laid) laminate floor all it does it
lay a trail that would make Snakes & Ladders proud and that a blind
bloodhound with sinusitis who had been snorting too much charlie could
follow after 6 months.
So I jump off the stool loudly shouting
"No!" (because I know the cat understands the menacing look in my eyes
even if her English is poor) and try to pounce on her to pop her
outside. Of course, being a cat she evades me with cursory disdain,
ducks under the cupboard, jumps on my stool, across the laptop, sails
magnificently over my coffee with an elegant leap - and halfway through
the arc of her jump, the unwanted squatter decides the eviction process
just isn't worth the hassle, and drops off. Right into my coffee mug.
I love them and hate them in equal measure. Affectionate, great company, lap warmers. Destroyers of chairs, sofas, and carpet. And they stop me being a little spontaneous at weekends
I have literally become a cat cuddle station EVERY evening and if I DARE to try to do anything else they both protest loudly and start bouncing from windowsill to chair, footstool, sofa, coffee table, drawers and table none stop until I sit down again!
As Panuno says; I love 'em both just as much as I hate how they control my life!
All 4 of my cats use me as a foodbank and B&B...their only donation to the household are a steady stream of (usually) dead fieldmice,shredded tweet(pigeon or magpie),live slow-worms (with shortened tail,often)...puzzled looking frogs,and a newt(once),all placed on the kitchen floor...happy daze,and paws for thought..
Got the salmon out of the fridge, unwrapped it began to prepare my meal and the world began to unravel rapidly... Ninja cats, silently but deadly mysteriously appeared at my feet.
I continued, a little disconcerted by their presence, they usual don't bother me in the kitchen.
Yowling, mewling and general noise making filled every space in my kitchen. Assaulting every one of my senses. Feline aerobatics quickly followed (they know not to jump on the worktops, so jumped up
n down at shoulder height) astonishingly bouncy and quite elegant as they flew around the kitchen for 5 minutes solid.
I gave up, cats had salmon, I made do with chicken . Btw Simon's cat is purrfect entertainment!
On my return from the Barmouth camp, my two had lovingly left out bunting welcoming me home from my trip, from the loo roll holder down the stairs and into the kitchen
Even worse when they work together. Boss cat has a canine accomplice in the house - they even share a feeding bowl at times - and I'll swear they work as a team when it comes to stealing food. Number two cat is a lady. She denies everything, but knows more than she's letting on, I'm sure.
Most Evil cat i ever had was called Eric,part siamese,all demon...type that would bring in (dead) wild rabbits,catch a magpie in mid flight,wade in reeds to catch baby ducklings on a pond.....but would love nothing more than to wriggle into your jumper for a snooze..jekyll/hyde syndrome...miss him to bits
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