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Jokes, Games & Silly Things

Teaching Maths

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Teaching Maths

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1. Teaching Maths In 1970 A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? 2. Teaching Maths In 1980 A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is 80% of the price. What is his profit? 3. Teaching Maths In 1990 A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is £80. How much was his profit? 4. Teaching Maths In 2000 A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. 5. Teaching Maths In 2005 A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20. 6. Teaching Maths In 2009A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target. When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100. While he is in jail the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a leaving BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and depart leaving behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting. The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor. Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life? 7. Teaching Maths In 2010 A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub- prime mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot with only some government money left to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses. The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry however, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it. Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master. The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonus's are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances. You do the maths. 8. Teaching Maths 2017 أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة الانتاج منالثمن. ما هو الربح له؟

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Karey @ 30/06/2009 13:29  

i take it your not busy at work kaz lol

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Deleted Member @ 30/06/2009 13:34  

err....... nahhhhhh hehehe

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Karey @ 30/06/2009 13:38  

reet lass thats reet grand...lol, oh say hi to ziggy for me too, bet he is knackered after all his miles..i mean tired not knackered..lol

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Deleted Member @ 30/06/2009 13:41  

lol.. will do! he's done well, I managed to keep up with the big bikes too.. lol You not busy either then??

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Karey @ 30/06/2009 13:45  

yep, busy eating a subway lol, just got in from opening 2 x safes and repairing a composite door

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Deleted Member @ 30/06/2009 13:50  

I like the updates on that one

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Wannabe @ 30/06/2009 14:30  

That's as funny as fook!! Nice one Kaz (I don't do PC).

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Roachy @ 30/06/2009 18:18  

Don't call em Arabic numerals for nothing, you know!

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Wills @ 30/06/2009 18:44  

good one Karey , food for thought and the last bit is knocking on the door already .

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excalibur @ 30/06/2009 19:20  

It has it's points, living in Bradford has certainly widened my horizons, I can swear in Gujerati, Hindi, Urdu and Sylheti.

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prof @ 30/06/2009 20:05  

I suspect you have regular cause to prof

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Emzed @ 01/07/2009 02:33  

Nah I'm a quite retiring shy sort of person, wouldn't say boo to a goose let alone question someones mothers personal habits. Why is it English insults are so simple and boring when other languages have such long involved and imaginative curses?

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prof @ 01/07/2009 05:52  

Good one Karey

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Dragon13 @ 01/07/2009 08:53  

LMAO .. as you once said to me Kaz ... dont get me started on that subject !! Ok we talking different subjects however the school my son went to when he was small has now stopped doing French Spanish & German & is teaching Hindi & Punjabi as they are more popular

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Deleted User @ 01/07/2009 14:42  

I thank you * teks a bow* Lol @ Shell, does that mean more people are preferring to take their families on holidays to the Far East as opposed to Europe? Or is it for the foreign exchange holidays, the kiddiwinks will be going on? ... pmsl

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Karey @ 01/07/2009 14:53  

LMAO Karey .. yeah .. I cannpt publish the comment my son came out with heheheh

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Deleted User @ 01/07/2009 15:07  

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