Just got this sent through via email and thought it good enough to post;
A WOMAN'S POEM:<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong.One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
I pray he's rich and self-employed, And when I spend, won't be annoyed. Pull out my chair and hold my hand. Massage my feet and help me stand... Oh send a king to make me queen. A man who loves to cook and clean.. I pray this man will love no other. And relish visits with my mother... A MAN'S POEM: <o:p></o:p>
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with big tits who owns a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking. <o:p></o:p>
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t. Child's Prayer: <o:p></o:p>
Dear God.Please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Dads computer.
<o:p></o:p>
She
whispered "will it hurt me?"
"Of course not" answered he
"It's a very simple process,
You can rely on me."
She
said "I'm very frightened,
I've not had this before.
My friend has had it five times
And said it can be sore."
It
was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been a size.
"Calm
yourself" he whispered
"His face filled with a grin
"Try and open wider
So I can get it in."
"It's
coming now" he whispered
"I know" she cried in bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said "I am glad I'm having this."
And
with a final effort
She gave a frightened shout
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.
She
lay back quite contended
Sighed and gave a smile
She said "I'm glad I came now
You made it worth my while."
Now
if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind!!
I'd reached the age of 14 and i had,nt started courtin, and my mum was getting worried about me, she said, dad its time u told him all about the birds and bees, he said the birds and bees and sat me on his knee. Now remember uncle joe and that picnic a while ago, how i went off in the woods with auntie pat, and when i chased o'rielly's daughter and what happened when i caught her, i said yes, he said well birds and bees does that...
My great uncle John was an actor on the stage
Who was best known as a pantomime dame
Famous for his ugly sister and widow twanky
But not anymore which is a great shame
He has gone to that great pantomime in the sky
No longer will he don grease paint and his regalia
I will still see him though from time to time
Because he’s not dead he’s just working for Ryan Air
If you've left the crayons to melt in the car,
And forgotten just where the car keys are,
There's a perfectly good way to explain:
You see, you've come down with "Mommy Brain."
When you're not sure where the past 8 hours went,
Or whether the phone bill check's been sent,
If you've left the laundry drying in the rain,
It's just--you guessed it--Mommy Brain.
If you find yourself chatting for hours on end
About diaper prices with your cyber friends,
You've just caught a particularly virulent strain
Of that affliction known as Mommy Brain.
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