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Jokes, Games & Silly Things

till death do us part ?

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till death do us part ?

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Married or not… you should read this.Marriage.“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth, but I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of a release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconscio usly I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever?She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son —- I’m a loving husband…. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

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Jack Jones @ 15/12/2011 10:23  

thats made me cry,

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susiesue @ 15/12/2011 11:18  

Sue that makes two of us - maybe it's the time of year it is, sniff cough splutter, under control again

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BOBKAT @ 15/12/2011 12:03  

Ditto with the tears. Apart from the sad ending I bet a lot of folk wish their marriages had a good turn around like this one, instead of ending in divorce.

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Sandi @ 15/12/2011 13:36  


Lump in throat time, but dont tell anyone...

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Gizzmo7 @ 15/12/2011 16:01  

Defo very sad and tearful...........................Maybe after reading this, those that have affairs will wake up, its not just their familes they hurt but, the poor unsuspecting fool that thinks she/he will leave their family for them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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wenders @ 15/12/2011 18:00  

Tears here mic ...just wish that a certain someone had read this and not just me.
Hope it makes a difference in someone else's life today

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Alice2 @ 16/12/2011 00:18  

aww,marriage is always intended to be forever....I feel those that fail didnt have the right person to marry in the first place....that said people do change thru their lives and without constant 'nursing' even the best of relationships can falter. I wonder in the above scenario had the wife lived to find out of hubbies affair would she have stayed with him? hmmm

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rossoandy21 @ 16/12/2011 16:33  

A beautiful realisation but such a sad way to get to it.. made me weep.


Thanks for puttin it up mic

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Ettenea Free @ 16/12/2011 21:40  

Andy, I think the basic mistake most of us make about marriage is that it will last forever. The act of marriage is a man-made one, probably ok in days gone by, when society looked upon it as 'forever' and men and women had very defined and separate roles. These days men and women are more equal, I think most men are confused as to what their role should be and women expect more from their man. I don't believe we are meant to be together forever, if we were we wouldn't have the capacity to be in love more than once. Before anyone accuses me of being shallow lol I'm not against marriage or men, in fact I enjoyed being married, it suited me. I don't need marriage to be content, it's the commitment within a relationship that means more to me than a marriage certificate.

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Sandi @ 17/12/2011 07:08  

Lots of sense there Sandi...esp the bit about capacity to love more than once...hmmm
meanwhile..
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/M_jk9ZX1zrU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

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rossoandy21 @ 17/12/2011 10:13  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQw4ixYFWQI&feature=...detailpage

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Jack Jones @ 18/12/2011 17:51  

http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=let%20...xj7gEiVJmw

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Jack Jones @ 18/12/2011 18:36  

You didnt see me www.youtube.com PSA Biker Message I don't know who made this video, but I'm sure glade they did.

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Jack Jones @ 19/12/2011 20:54  

https://www.facebook.com/trikemagazine?ref=nf . Trike Magazine Covering all things tricyclular, Trike Magazine looks at both full custom builds and bike conversions, disabled options, legalities, trike events, news, products - everything you need to know about trikes A trike magazine built for trikers. The new magazine for all things three-wheeled! Covering all things tricyclular, it looks at both full custom builds and bike conversions, disabled options, legalities, trike events, news, products - everything you need to know about trikes without you even having to ask! Trike Magazine is published quarterly. Flag: 85 like this

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Jack Jones @ 19/12/2011 21:00  

I luv the 'you didn't see me' one, have seen it on soo many other threads on other forums, it gets the point across in such a simple yet meaningful way that the message can't bit missed. Shame many do tho.


You fab mic


Smooshees

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Ettenea Free @ 19/12/2011 21:02  

Threedom Party, 14th January 2012, New Whittingtom Social Club, Chesterfield, Derbyshire, UK. I know its a long way for some, but if you can, make the effort, you will not be disapointed.

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Jack Jones @ 19/12/2011 21:22  

1978 Honda C90 cub Restorat...> www.ebay.co.uk

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Jack Jones @ 19/12/2011 23:28  

Question & Answer Answered On Q: How come you have relisted this? Shame you don't live closer to Manchester because I'd love to own and restore it. See www.macclesfield2monaco.tk Paul 18-Nov-11 A: I'm not re-listing it mate, first time on e-bay for this heap. *cough* lovely bike!! That looks an epic run to Monaco... did the food give you the runs? Sometimes when I eat funny food it gives me wind and it smells really bad, a bit like a rat has crawled up my backside and died... but that's another story... Q: hi, i was a cub in 1978 too, nothing to do with any proposed purchase, but i just thought you would like to know this remarkable fact. 17-Nov-11 A: That's Superb!! I was a Beaver when I was younger but not in 1978. Now as I've got older I love beavers, but not little boy kind or the animal kind, although some beaver's bring the animal out in me... After Beavers I was a Cub, and once met a boy with a wonky eye... I nicknamed him Eyezhigher, he never understood why. Poor Daniel!! Q: she looks familiar, is her name Kelly by any chance? the reason i ask is that when i was at school there was an old bike and you use to always find her behind the bike shed with her knickers round her ankles. She has the same looks, worn and battered but still willing to go for more. kelly and i only had one thing in common and that we both shared the same nickname, Virus however i belive she actually had one (she had scabbing that resembled the rust on ur bike)but i can safley say i dont. 17-Nov-11 A: Hello Virus... I'm afraid that you are mistaken, this bike is called Bree, I named her after an old bike dumped behind my bike sheds at school. She too had similar scabs and could do with a good wash and T-cut. I'm not sure if they were spots that she had picked or were genital warts, they may have even been ingrown hairs that became inflamed and filled with puss. I didn't want to get too close to investigate because of the pungent aroma of a well known smelly French cheese wafting up everyone's nostrils. Its great news that you don't have any scabs or viruses, if you do develop any I would suggest getting them checked out by your local doctor. regards. Q: Haya gotta loyt boy? Wassal dis torque 'bout Diss & dat? Has the old girl been race tooned? Any clip ons, rearsets & such? Not sure I'll bid, as probably couldn't handle the power!! 16-Nov-11 A: aye I gotuh loit bor, it ahind in me pokurt. hold yew hard, she not bin tooned, alas she got no clip on's just a broken speedo cable. Um nowagorn. Q: Mate, thats the funniest advert with q+a i have ever seen on here, i have just ruined the sofa laughing, bruce lee would win any fights though. Dylan 16-Nov-11 A: I do hope you have a leather sofa, from my experiences they are easier to clean, a mustard yellow one would be even better the colour won't stain! If not I would suggest getting some fabreeze, or opening the windows, you don't want your lounge smelling like my ageing grandma, she has a big wart and moustache! It's most off putting!! Q: hi there chief will you take a oner for the old girl cheers 16-Nov-11 A: hello cowboy.... I don't understand what you mean by oner... did you mean to type boner? do old girls give you a boner?? regards... Q: wot would be the 0-60mph time on this and what would it's top end speed be 16-Nov-11 A: As it stands at the moment I estimate that its top speed would be around 8 mph. I have come to this conclusion by running as fast as I can making bbbbbbbrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmm noises. As I am quite unfit and have little legs I cant run very fast. If Usain Bolt was running his top speed is 27.79mph so pushing this little C90 along it would be considerably higher than mine, but it also depends on how athletic and how long your legs are. As for the 0-60 time, it depends on how long and steep the hill is, if there was a back wind this would help greatly, but... if you are rather rotund the wind resistance may be too great to achieve this lightning speed! Q: Who would win a fight out of Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwatzcofniggerman? 16-Nov-11 A: Well as you can not find Chuck Norris, he only finds you, I believe that Arnie would have the disadvantage and Chuck would whoop his ass. Arnie probably has a minuscule willy due to the over use of anabolic steroids in the 70's. Q: can you deliver for a pint and one night with an ebony hooker called Honey Dezire? 16-Nov-11 A: I am fond of a pint of the famous black stuff.. Guinness, although one pint would not be enough to get me drunk enough to consider a hooker. Although Honey Desire does sound very nice, I'm worried about the number of bee's that have been buzzing round her, I'm also concerned that because of her profession she may have a lady garden which resembles a wizards sleeve, most off putting. Q: Hi could you please tell me where about you are , all it says is Diss UK, ? I'm interessted in your cub just need to see how far you are from me before I bid on it. Cheers. 15-Nov-11 A: At the moment I am parked on my sofa... the bike is outside in the shed, most probably getting cold, I may have to get it a hot water bottle... the shed is located in stradbroke, suffolk. IP21 5JN (nearby postcode) From Diss town centre, it is 10.2 miles with a recommended travelling time of 21 minutes. I believe this estimated time to be wrong as I have completed this journey in 7 minutes. If you were using the bus it would take 1 hour 21 minutes, but I don't like public transport so I have given you a walking estimation as well. If you were walking then it would be a slightly shorter distance of 9.7 miles but depending on your walking speed it would take a considerable longer time of 3 hours and 11 minutes and at this time of year it may be wise to wear welling-tons as it can get muddy. I hope this is helpful and informative for you. good luck on the auction. Q: Would you take a bag of Doritos (flavour of your choice) for the bike?and i'll throw in a Doritos dip (flavour of your choice) if you can deliver it. 15-Nov-11 A: I'm afraid that I don't really like doritos, the chilli heatwave ones are bearable. The crisps tend to coagulate around my teeth and I have to clean them out with a dirty stick. A sour cream and chive dip does sound tempting, but this would leave green bits in my teeth making them look mouldy, so I will have to decline... Q: i have a R6 wanna swap as there worth the same price. cheers . 15-Nov-11 A: hello adi, I have a R6 as well, its black with some shiny bits, the best thing about it is it makes lots and lots of noise... so thank you for your kind offer but i will have to kindly decline...

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Jack Jones @ 19/12/2011 23:30  

Mohomed and Habib are street beggars. They beg in differentareas of London. Habib begs just as long as Mohomed but onlycollects £2 to £3 every Day.Mohomed brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.Habib says to Mohomed, 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'Mohomed says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'? Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, A wife and 6 kids to support'.Mohomed says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3.'Habib says, 'So what does your sign say'?Mohomed shows Habib his sign......It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan '.

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Jack Jones @ 19/12/2011 23:58  

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