Q1. Can you still be friends with an ex after a break-up?
Q2. Why would you want to still be friends after a break-up if it was painful for you and they were with someone else?
Q3. Would you like it, or go out with someone if they still saw their ex from time to time or were like best friends now ?
Q4. Would you still see your ex (maybe in secrete) if your new partner didn't want you to, or didn't like it if you still saw or went out with them (unless young children are involved) ?
My answer would be NO on all counts, an ex is an ex for a reason. Or am I just being old fashioned thinking its wrong in this modern day and age ?
I would very much like to hear peoples opinion on above questions
Hi Fred
1) yes
2) Cos he's not a bad man just did a bad thing, we are only human and make mistakes.
3) Depends, if they were still attracted to each other, and showed it, then I probably wouldn't like it, if it was obvious there wasn't anything between them then I'd be ok with it.
4) I once had a partner who was jealous of a male friend, but none of the men that I've known, since I divorced my ex hubby, have had a problem with me being friends with him.
My ex hubby and I never see each other cos we live too far apart and the woman he cheated on me with he lives with and she doesn't trust him lol
Having had a few male friends I can safely say that most men cannot be just friends with women, if they could they wouldn't end the friendship once they got dating. One ex friend dropped me twice and tried to restart our friendship a third time only by that time I'd had enough of him dumping our friendship.
Depends what you mean by friends, send cards and meet up for a drink no - if bump into say hi - yes.
Sometimes a relationship just runs it course so there's no anymosity and it is human nature to still care so could be friends but when a liar and cheat is involved then fair question and no I won't be keeping in touch with my ex once house sold, though if I saw him in town would say hi - no point in being angry and bitter - just move on and be happy
Depends on circumstances of who ended it and reasons and how friendly they were. Also depends how much you trust them and if you don't why be with them!
Again if seeing ex in secret - why be with the person now with - lack of trust & honesty! As the new person enters your life surely the focus would be on them and the future rather than the past.
Both of my ex's were liars - but such is life, seeing them with somebody new wouldn't/doesn't bother me as I am sooo over them and moved on with or without a new partner myself. In fact my ex from 10 years ago still goes to my parents twice a year - took some post of mine round for a 3rd visit earlier this year when he found out I'd split with this ex (Incidentially I haven't lived at that house for over 10 years - are you thinking coincidence too!)
I have 2 Ex Husbands, my 1st one i am still really good friends with, our relationship of 15+ years had just run its course he is re married with a new family and they all attended my wedding to my 2nd Husband and have come to my house for BBQ parties etc.
My 2nd Husband (relationship of 10 years married just over 3 years) I can't have a relationship with, i am still so very hurt and angry with him, but this makes it so hard, i have a great relationship with his children (teenagers now) they lived with us and i love them like they are my own.
Yup. Tis possible
I was married for 22 years & we have 3 kids. The relationship just ran it's course and ran out of steam. It took a couple of years for the hurt to recede, but it did and we are now good mates. I'm really glad we aren't married any more and his girlfriend is much better at dealing with him than I ever was and I really like her too. We still work out problems with the kids jointly to get em resolved...People who know me know that I've got quite an unusual family but even though the parents are divorced we aren't dysfunctional....well, not very dysfunctional lol. My ex helps me sort my bike out and we sometimes do stuff like family events together....and the EU demo ride lol
I've got 2 other significant ex's and was with one for 4 years and 2 with the other and we chat on the phone from time to time and check out how we are doing and still hold each other in high regard ....but, there wasn't massive disloyalty or infidelity or anything like that involved....might be different if there was
People fall out of love this is true.... but in a partenership it is rare to find 2 people falling out of love at the very same time, one person is usually emotionaly very hurt .
Friendship is not possible untill this is resolved, this may take some time.
If children are involved folk need to protect them, and show unity as parents ......
So many different people and circumstances....no staight answer
"You, you may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only oneI hope some day you'll join usAnd the world will live as one" I wish .........
As most people have said, it all depends on the individual circumstances. I'm still friends with my ex-wife to the extent we still phone each other once a week or so for a chat, although neither of us (honestly) want to get back together again.
My last girl friend and I still share a house despite splitting up 7 months ago and we really do get on better now as friends than for the last 2 years of our relationship, though again neither of us want to get back together in that way and go through all the hassels again. Yes this one might tricky when either if either of us find other partners but thats a possible problem for the future.
I must be very wierd then cos i am still on friendly terms with all my ex's, never married any of them :)
Think it depends on circumstance, some relationships run there natural course, others breakdown for a variety of reasons.
To me life is too nshort to hold a grudge and besides hating somebody takes up to much time and effort. One philosophy i live by is, if somebody wants to be with me they will be, if they dont theres nowt i can do about it and see it as there loss not mine :)
It all depends on how stubborn or determined you are.
There's a difference between loving and caring about someone and being in love with them. But it takes effort and it will hurt, only you can decide whether they are worth that.
One of my oldest friends is my first boyfriend, we still gravitate towards each other as friends. We can not speak for months, then be texting each other up to 10 times a day like we've never been out of touch. Then he'll get a new gf who's jealous/insecure and we'll back off... It goes in cycles, we'll always be friends though. Was it worth the aggro as a 17yr old who'd just been dumped to keep him as a friend - hell yes.
wow Fred emotive subject ... i think everyone is different on this one.. well we would be i guess as we are all different...
good relationships end on good terms but i still would not class myself as "best friends" with an ex.. .yes i would chat if i saw them out and about of course and wish them well always, but i would not ever go out of my way to text or have long phone calls or meet for coffee especially if i am in a new relationship.. .i think if you get on that well why did you finish!!!
i believe in moving on... i dont hold bad feelings towards an ex but i hold my loyalties and love to the new relationship i am in and i think some ex's find that hard to accept and hence want to stil think they can meet up with you etc but in my book this really isnt moving on....
i would not be interested in dating a fella who met behind my back or in front of it!! with an ex... i believe in starting with a clean slate and if someone still has strong feelings be it friendship or love for an ex I personally find that a bit weird and believe maybe they should give it another go or let go....
just my personal opinion.... and ive paid good money for it
Q1. Can you still be friends with an ex after a break-up?
Yes, I have remained friends with two out of the last three ex's. The other's are no longer in my circle of friends, but that is because I am no longer in the same geographic location, or my interests are no longer the same as theirs.
Q2. Why would you want to still be friends after a break-up if it was painful for you and they were with someone else?
I was the one that broke off the last few relationships, but time is a great healer.
Q3. Would you like it, or go out with someone if they still saw their ex from time to time or were like best friends now ?
I do see my ex's, and my ex husband is with someone and we all get on well. Another ex, I would be friends with his new partner, I just wish for his sake he gets one soon, it would do him the world of good. (All work, little play, you know who you are lol). My current partner has no problems with me seeing an ex socially, but that is because he knows that I am with him, and a one man woman. I do not have a problem with him seeing his ex's either, he used to have one as a lodger lol.
Q4. Would you still see your ex (maybe in secrete) if your new partner didn't want you to, or didn't like it if you still saw or went out with them (unless young children are involved) ?
No I wouldn't see them in secret, but I wouldn't stop seeing them either. My ex's are ex's for a reason, it doesn't stop me appreciating them for the qualities they have, and for being some of the most loyal friends I have. If someone doesn't want me to see friends, then that is a big red flag that they are not the right person for me. 1, because they do not trust me. 2, because it is too controlling, and it is one of the first things that abusive partners do, separate you from your support network.
As to whether you are "old fashioned" everyone has their own version of morality. If that is how you feel, then that is how you should lead your life. There is no right or wrong, only what is right for you and what is wrong for you. As long as you are happy and not hurting someone else then you are living your life your way, which is the only way.
I spent a good couple of hours on msn talking to my recent ex last night. We had a bloody good chat, bitched about the lack of winter, he moaned about his bike blowing up, I boasted gently about mine not doing so (lol), compared notes on our christmases and new years celebrations...
It was good. The pain I put myself through speaking to him after what he'd done came out, the stubborn refusal to let him run away and hide from what he'd done to me was worth it. It may not be the easiest friendship just yet but we're getting there. I am a happy bunny on that score. :-)
I would say yes, dependant entirely on why you broke up? I've stayed very good friends with one and her kids, wouldn't change them for the world.
Equally, I've been cheated on and would happily cast the f****r into the jaws of hell Personally, I can't be doing with jealousy. IMO, the most destructive of all emotions. So, if the partner could be trusted with an ex, I would trust her. If you can't trust them, why would you be wasting your time with them?
My philiosophy is u keep ur friends close but ur enemies even closer... I'm 'mates' with my kids dad purely because i dont trust him one iota after the hell he put me thro and its better for the kids if we seem like we get along and hav a laugh....cant stand him and it winds me up that he's a pee poor dad and role model but if we weren't 'mates' he'd make my life exceptionally difficult as well as my boys! I'm not a hypocrite-he knows how i feel and what i think about him and accepts that 'mates' means i tolerate him for the boys! Thankfully in a few short years i wont even need to see him nor listen to his crap but until they're old enough to catch the bus to his and mine all the time then i have no choice to put up with him!
Ex's are ex's for a reason but so long as its purely 'platonic' with no yearning or drooling there's no reason why u cant stay friends if thats what u both want-can't see me being friends with my ex but thats coz of the way he used and abused me and traumatised me-if i happen to bump into an ex from way back yup i'll natter but thats all :-)
If ur mates with an ex and there's still feelings there however i think its a seriously huge no-no because there's a very thin line xx
your right mizzi ex`s are ex`s for a reason. mine decided she wanted to be apart of the dogs lives again!!(not the kids) after three years of not seeing them or the kids!! so I agreed BIG mistake my very happy life is upside down again.
Dunno I am friends with some some ex's and others I'd push into the path of a truck if given the opportunity. Think it greatly depends on how the relationship ended was it mutual, was trust broken, was friendships broken?
I reckon what I am trying to say is:
My first girlfriend ever and myself are still friends, we were young and matured differently, I wanted bikes, cold weekends in tents and she wanted house kids etc.. so our goals changed and our outlook on life, we remained friends as the break up was mutual.
The next relationship was my ex wife, she cheated on me slept with my best friends and spread lies about me... bring a big truck and ride her over!! never be friends with her as she broke my trust.
Next was a girl that I saw as my best friend, broke up mutually and remained friends briefly until I found out she only used me to get a passport(unmarried partner visa) so no longer friends as I was betrayed.
As to weather I would like my girlfriend hanging out with her ex no,but then again I would not stop it, trust plays a major role n relationships and the reasons I wouldnt like her to see her ex has got more to do with my own insecurities than her and a issue I will have to deal with in my life.
The thing most people need to realise is that every relationship leaves a mark some good some bad and the secret to life is to not let those marks dictate your future relationships.
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