Time, life and their combined contributions of years and experience have taught me that every now and again we all need a pat on the back, to hear 'you are doing a good job', a 'thank you' or a 'how can i help?', a 'how are you?' or even a 'please can you help'. All make us a bigger part of the whole, they give us a reason to be more than we are, to grow by proxy, a way to take away more by not adding less. Sometimes though, it's the smallest trinket of advise that could and would be the most productive and is what we actually need to hear.
I like to think that what makes us what we are is attributed more to what we do rather than what is done to us, to what we offer to others rather than what is taken away from us. Perhaps it is better to give than to receive, for the giving of a seed to grow into more is a validation of the procreation of life itself but the well reception of a welcomed seed lands in the same harvest and as long as we clear the stony ground for our own consciences ahead of time, growth will prevail. Often our offering takes on form as advise, drawn sometimes from the experiences of others but most times drawn from the deep wells of our own lives twists and turns.
One if the cruelest of mistresses to tempt the roots of the tree of our own well being into decline, is hindsight. Many a moment can drift into hours, waterlogged with the desperate perspiration of not exactly regrets but thoughts of 'what if' and i, perhaps more than some, have had many a drenched dance around the clock deep in thought and with this in mind, have a question to ask those that have an ear to listen and a mind to hear...
..If you could meet your younger self, what advise for the coming future would you furnish yourself with?
An interesting subject Icey - I daresay this is a thought that has entered the minds of many of us here at some point within our lives, and is one that, if we answer honestly can lay us bare and perhaps vulnerable to the world.
On facing the adult domain I was 'instructed' shall we say to 'get a proper job!' and so because I had been brought up to 'do as I was told', I got 'a proper job' in teaching - and spent every minute of it staring out of the window dreaming of how I could become what I really was! A proper job was deemed 'respectable, useful and sensible by those who demanded it of me, but I found it soul destroying, and year on year I felt more and more trapped and so very miserable. Then cataclysmic events occurred which in changing everything, gave me the courage to hand in my notice with no other job to go to, but the freedom was immense. I am now what I always have been, but was too lacking in confidence to declare - an artist - and in these past 10 years I have finally felt that I am in the right place for me.
So, I would advise that 18 year old self to listen to her inner voice and, that - though I would never knowingly or deliberately hurt anyone or damage anything, and will always be there to help another - I should stand my ground, be determined and sure, believe in myself and walk my own path - not that chosen by another.
we are, after all the sum of our experiences..
so to change one thing may make us take a different path and be someone completely different.
I for one am happy with who I am....
are you?
That is absiolutely the same advice I would give to myself Betty....listen to my inner voice
Unlike you though I wasn't subjected to any parental control when I was young. I found myself with both parents dead when I was 14 and I didn't really get any guidance from any one...me and my older brother just sort of muddled though. I learned I had to find survival strategies and plot my own path at a very early age...although I didn't realise this was what I was learning.
I look back at it all and I wouldn't want to change anything (apart from having my mum and dad for a bit longer of course). My life course has flitted about all over the place but it's been damn interesting and I achieved a lot. None of it was planned and it was all acting on instinct....so I figure my inner voice is pretty damn good and it's given me wise counsel. I've only realised this in recent years though and I wish I had the confidence to trust it more when I was young
I often used to mull over the ifs, buts and maybes of my life, but I came to the conclusion early on, that life finds a way. Who you are is defined by your experiences, good and bad, and like Andy says, it makes us who we are.
20 odd years ago, my G/F and I were wiped out in an RTA, and I often wondered what if.... What if I'd waited 10 seconds more, or if the car driver had looked one more time....
We can't change these things, but it would be nice to dream things could have turned out better...But then again, who's to say a better outcome of one incident will mean everything's rosy for the future? It could be the turning point that leads to disaster, you never know. Maybe that one dark moment in time can have profound and lasting effects for good in the future...
Take each day as it comes, be good to each other, and enjoy the moment, it might be your last...
Minnie , you hit the nail on the head there when you say guidance - mine was more about Extreme Strict Control. I'm sad that you lost your parents so early, but glad that you have had such a positive life. As this post is about - hindsight is a wonderful thing!
Took far too long to learn this lesson and wish someone had told me when I was young enough to appreciate it............You don't have to marry the first 2 men you had sex with
I think my advice to my younger self would be to work out exactly who I am and hold on to that dearly. To protect my self with every fibre of my being and keep my self free. Not to let my self get lost in the chaos of life. Or in the search for the unattainable.
Maybe then I wouldn't be trying to find my self again...
To baby B.D;
Hesitation only prolongs the doubt and apprehension, If you think it, do it cos you think it for a reason and no obstacle is too great.
Don't mix your drinks and go to bed at a suitable time.
I agree with most posts, quoting "Back to the Future 2" for evidence as to why even if I could meet my younger self, I would keep my gob shut. A) because I was and arrogant illinformed testosterone fueld idiot, just like my kids were and B) I don't like having to think about how to undo all the changes I have made with one small suggestion.
Worse comes to worse I could actually make my future self not exist, it could happen, look at Marty Mcflies brother.
I would say, looking back, "Be careful what you wish for".
And think before you speak.
And dont pass up an opportunity, it may never arise again. I have a big regret from that one.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ྜྷ. Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience... I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked... You're not as fat as you Imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind. The kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy; Sometimes you're ahead, Sometimes You're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; If you Succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your Life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone. [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/baz_luhrmann/sunscreen.html ] Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't Congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, Use it every way you can... Don't be afraid of it, or what other people Think of it, It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own...
Dance... even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Brother and sister together we'll make it through Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there For you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can. Everybody's free.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; They are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will Philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
Sometimes i regret many things that have happened in my life, and I would gladly tell my younger self to avoid them if possible......But, there again if i used the "back to the future" scenario,and lived my life on a bed of roses, I would not have the strength, courage and wisdom, gained through these not so easy times, that have got me through lifes ups and downs...........
After all, we can have a calm, lovely life, but we have no control over the fate of others around us, and to deal with their situations, when they arise, we need strength and courage for them........
Sooooooooooooooo conclusion, cant go back in time and change nothing, be thankful for what you have or who you are, whatever and whoever, for everyone has a purpose in life, and a reason to be proud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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